


Right In Front Of You All Along

by Warren_Pace



Category: Smash (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Drinking, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Jimmy is oblivious, Kyle is an angry bean, M/M, More or less Canon Compliant, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24611503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warren_Pace/pseuds/Warren_Pace
Summary: “Shadows, you took away the shadows.” Kyle isn’t sure what prompted him to sing, but once he started, he found he can’t stop. Jimmy looked up from the piano and something in the look he gives Kyle makes him want to stay there and sing with Jimmy forever. “Before you, life was black and white.” Kyle sat on the bench next to Jimmy, trying not to think about how every word he said could apply to the beautiful man playing the piano.Season 2 rewrite. Ana and Karen are lesbians, and Jimmy and Kyle are very gay.
Relationships: (for like 2 seconds) - Relationship, Ana Vargas & Kyle Bishop, Jimmy Collins & Karen Cartwright, Julia Houston & Tom Levitt, Karen Cartwright/Ana Vargas, Kyle Bishop & Jimmy Collins, Kyle Bishop & Karen Cartwright, Kyle Bishop/Blake, Kyle Bishop/Jimmy Collins, Tom Levitt/Sam Strickland
Comments: 30
Kudos: 58





	1. Karen Cartwright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the wonderful RetroactiveCon for beta-reading this work.

Kyle Bishop is already having a bad day so seeing Jimmy flirt with yet another actress at his station is just the final straw. He sets the box he’s been carrying down with a huff. Taking a breath, he reminds himself that this is just an everyday occurrence.

Jimmy flirts with everything in a skirt, but they never hold his interest for long. Sure enough, as soon as she leaves Jimmy’s attention is right back on _actually_ doing his job. Kyle places the box where it is supposed to be and moves over to Jimmy.

“Do you have to do _that_?” Kyle knows it’s a useless rhetorical question. It’s just who Jimmy is, but he can’t ignore the way his heart clenches when Jimmy responds with his usual devil may care smirk.

“You’re just jealous.” The words pop out of Jimmy in a joking manner, but they hang awkwardly between the two as they both realize how true they are. “Ky—” Jimmy starts as Kyle turns away, whether to apologize (Jimmy isn’t good at apologies and rarely tries) or escalate the conversation into an argument (Jimmy loves to pick a fight) neither of them knows and Kyle cuts him off before the thought finishes.

“Just finish your shift, Jimmy.” Kyle says, not looking at him.

Kyle picks up the box as he goes by for no other reason than it gives him more of an excuse to walk away. Not that Jimmy ever needed one…

They don’t talk for real again until they reach their apartment, hours later, after their shift. Jimmy tosses his things haphazardly onto the floor, while Kyle sets his bag down gently on the table. He bends down to pick up Jimmy’s things without even realizing it, a natural air of domesticity falling over the scene.

Kyle glances up to find Jimmy watching him.

“What?” He tries to keep the sigh out of his voice, hoping that Jimmy isn’t spoiling for a fight as he so often is.

Jimmy puts a joint to his lips and takes a soft inhale before answering. “You don’t have to do that.”

It’s a pointless comment and they both know it. If Kyle doesn’t pick up Jimmy’s stuff, chances are Jimmy won’t do it himself and soon they’d be buried in clothes and other items strewn all over the floor.

All of this is conveyed in a simple eyebrow raise.

Jimmy laughs (he always laughed easier when he was high, or getting there), the sound makes Kyle’s heart flutter erratically.

“We should get a maid or something,” Jimmy comments, taking another puff.

Kyle lets out a snort of laughter. It’s always easy to laugh with Jimmy and better than fighting.

“I _am_ sorry.” Jimmy says, hiding behind the cloud he puffed out. High Jimmy was the only time Kyle really saw Truthful Jimmy.

“It’s fine.” Because it _always_ has to be fine, and Kyle could never blame Jimmy for anything, not really.

Jimmy nods, moving over to the piano, as he so often does on nights like this. His fingers trace the keys lazily, pressing keys at random until a melody strikes him. His fingers become more precise until a haunting melody drifts from the piano.

Kyle moves over to the piano slowly. It’s magic, watching Jimmy work.

Slowly he begins to sing, and it’s like a spell falls over the apartment.

“Listen, I hope that you can hear me

As I kneel down and pray

With the love I meant to say.” The words fade into a hum as Jimmy continues the melody. He tries more words occasionally, but he can’t seem to find the rest of the song just yet.

“Shadows, you took away the shadows.” Kyle isn’t sure what prompts him to sing, but once he starts, he finds that he can’t stop. Jimmy looks up from the piano and something in the look he gives Kyle makes him want to stay there and sing with Jimmy forever. “Before you, life was black and white.” Kyle sits on the bench next to Jimmy, trying not to think about how every word he said could apply to the beautiful man playing the piano.

Kyle looks away as he continues, “though tonight the room's gone gray.”

A hand ghosts against Kyle’s cheek and the melody wavers as Jimmy tries to continue playing with one hand. “Golden, all the love you gave was golden.” Jimmy’s words are soft, and something in his eyes makes it impossible to look away.

It’s not the first time Jimmy has kissed Kyle while high, but it is the first time that he’s looked at Kyle so tenderly after doing so. Kyle knows he should pull away, that this is a bad idea, instead, he leans in again. Kissing Jimmy is always addicting.

They continue singing as Jimmy plays the piano, sharing careless tender touches.

They don’t talk about the kisses the next day, they never do. But there’s something in the air the next day that makes Kyle let himself hope, for the first time in years. The day goes well, Jimmy even flirts less. _Though_ , a dark voice in the back of his mind whispers, _maybe he’s just doing it when you aren’t looking._

The nice day shatters when the actress from the day before shows up again.

Jimmy is in the back, unloading boxes from a delivery, so Kyle takes it upon himself (petty as it is) to try to get rid of her.

Kyle opens his mouth to say something scathing, when he suddenly realizes that she looks familiar and changes tact mid-sentence. “You should—are you Karen Cartwright?”

The actress (Karen?) looks startled, before nodding.

“Oh—you—wait here one second.” All annoyance forgotten; Kyle practically dives under the counter for his box of playbills. He digs through it for a moment before finding what he’s looking for.

He holds the Bombshell playbill out to Karen meekly with a small smile, “would you sign this for me. It’s—I have a box of playbills from failed musicals.” Kyle backtracks instantly, “not that Bombshell was a failure. I saw it in Boston, it was amazing.” Kyle rubs the back of his neck, not sure what else to say.

Thankfully, Karen takes the playbill. Sparing him from digging himself much deeper into that hole.

“I’m glad you liked it,” she says with a tentative smile.

“I mean there were _some_ issues,” Kyle admitted gently. “But you were amazing.”

The smile was wider and warmer this time, she stuck her hand out for a proper greeting.

“Karen.”

“Kyle.”

They shake hands for a moment before Kyle returns to the glass he’s been wiping. He realizes something after a moment and wants to smack himself. “Would you like something to drink?” He asks sheepishly.

Karen laughs lightly, “sure. Uh, club soda please.”

He hands her the drink, trying not to act as awkward as he feels.

“It’s 12:45, the bar closes at 1.” Kyle smiles apologetically as Jimmy speaks a little gruffly.

“He’s right,” Kyle placates. “I hate to kick you out, but…” He rubs his neck awkwardly as his voice trails away.

“Right, of course.” Karen nods a little too quickly. Misery loves company after all…

“Here.” She pushes a twenty across the counter, “keep the change.”

“No thanks,” Jimmy slides the bill back across the counter and Kyle wants to smack him. They need all the money they can get and now is not the time to be prideful.

Karen watches Jimmy walk away, clearly not sure what to make of him. She turns to Kyle in exasperation, “is he always like that?”

Kyle laughs wryly, “try living with him.”

“Oh. _Oh._ Are you and he…?”

Kyle blushes, and glances over to where Jimmy has disappeared into the piano room. “No?” It comes out just as uncertain as he feels. Something had changed last night he just doesn’t know what. ‘ _Maybe_.’ But the word sticks in his throat. “Does it look like we are?” Kyle is desperate to know that this wasn’t all in his head.

Karen smiles gently and reaches across the counter to squeeze his hand for a moment. As if to say, _it’ll all work out eventually_. “Goodnight, Kyle.”

“Goodnight, Karen.” He hadn’t liked Jimmy flirting with her, but she when smiled at him like that it was hard to dislike her. She just seemed so genuine.

Kyle rolls his eyes as the first few piano notes float through the bar. No matter how many times he’s warned Jimmy, he never stops playing the piano.

“I'm high above the city

I'm standing on the ledge.”

Kyle pauses his dishwashing to move closer to the piano, just to watch Jimmy play for a minute. It’s the song Jimmy had been singing the first time they’d kissed.

(Jimmy had been high on the couch, singing to himself gently as he mimed piano movements. Kyle had placed a blanket over Jimmy, knowing that when he got like this, he was likely to fall asleep anywhere. Kyle had paused for a moment, admiring how beautiful Jimmy was when he made music. Jimmy had stopped in his singing and pulled Kyle into a sloppy kiss. Kyle had pulled back quickly unsure how to process the action, only to find Jimmy fast asleep. He’d tucked the blanket around Jimmy gently and spent the rest of the night lying awake obsessing over what it meant. That was the first of many unspoken kisses.)

The doorbell jingles gently, and Kyle looks up to see Karen entering again.

“I forgot my phone.” Karen says in answer to Kyle’s unasked question.

He nods, moving to the counter to hand her the phone and shoo her out quickly.

“Will I remain the same or will I change a little bit?

Will I feel broken or totally complete?” Jimmy’s voice swells and the playing gets faster. “Will I retain my name when I'm the biggest, hugest hit?”

Karen pauses as she grabs her phone from the counter. She points in the direction of the sound. “What is that?”

“That—that is nothing.” Kyle steps in her path quickly. “Karen, you really need to leave.”

When Karen catches sight of Jimmy in the piano room and falls under the same spell that Kyle does whenever Jimmy plays; he knows it was a lost battle. He moves over to the counter, figuring he might as well finish his work. He lets Jimmy’s music ( _their_ music) wash over him as he wipes down another cup.

The song ends a few minutes later and Karen runs out of the bar in a rush, pausing only to toss a “we’ll talk tomorrow” at Kyle.

He watches her leave with confusion, not quite sure what she means.

Jimmy comes out of the piano room a minute later, “you ready to go, Ky?”

Kyle nods, hanging up the last cup and tossing the rag in a hamper.

They walk back to the apartment slowly, enjoying the cool night. Kyle opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, wondering why just a few words are so hard to say.

Finally, he blurts, “why did you play that song tonight?”

Jimmy looks at him, surprised for a moment before a soft look slides into place (a look that Kyle hoped was only ever directed at him). He shrugs loosely, looking up at the sky. “Just felt right.”

Kyle’s heart skips a beat at the words and that smidge of hope from the morning returns full force. “Do you,” _remember the first time you sang that?_

“Yeah.” Jimmy’s words feel solid and firm, as though he’s answering the question Kyle can’t fully get up the nerve to ask.

They walk closer together after that, both pretending it’s just the cold night.


	2. The Opportunity

Kyle wakes up in a tangle of blankets the next morning. The night had been cold, and he’d burrowed under them in the night.

His and Jimmy’s shifts are later in the day, so he takes the time to wake lazily. He kicked the blanket off as he sat up, grateful that the sun had warmed the apartment.

Jimmy is asleep at the piano when Kyle finally gets out of bed and moves into the kitchen. Kyle sighs and backtracks to his bed; he grabs a blanket and returns to the piano. He places it on Jimmy gently, trying not to wake him.

Jimmy mumbles ineligibly and snuggles into the blanket.

Kyle allows himself a lovesick smile, before moving to the kitchen to make breakfast.

The pancakes are cooling on a plate when Jimmy finally opens his eyes, awakened by the smell of food. He stretches, the blanket falling off his shoulders as he stands.

The blanket lands on the piano bench and slides to the floor. Kyle moves from his perch on the stool, where he’s been working on the book, to pick it up.

“I got it.” Jimmy stoops down to grab it, folding it carefully before placing it on the bench.

Kyle sits back down curiously. It isn’t like Jimmy to pick up after himself, but like with most things about Jimmy, it’s best not to question it.

“Pancakes,” Kyle states simply pointing at the plate.

Jimmy moves over to the kitchen counter and reaches for a pancake only to retract his hand as soon as he touches it. “Ow.” He shakes his hand rapidly trying to cool it. He moves to the sink and runs cold water over his fingers.

Kyle laughs, it’s unusual to see Jimmy thrown off by anything and the scene is just so cute that he can’t help himself. A towel hits him in the face.

“Asshole.” Jimmy mutters loudly, but his eyes are twinkling.

“Here,” Kyle hands Jimmy a fork and a plate. “This might work better.”

Jimmy rolls his eyes but takes the plate. “Don’t make me get another towel.” He warns as he attacks the pancakes.

Kyle laughs and returns his attention to the book for Hit List, which sits on the counter in front of him. He keeps stumbling over one of the scenes, the dialogue just won’t _flow_. He leans closer to the page, tapping a pencil against his chin in thought.

A small piece of pancake hits him between the eyes.

“Relax a little,” Jimmy says in response to Kyle’s indignant huff. “You don’t have to finish it today.”

 _Easy for you to say_ , Kyle thinks bitterly. Song lyrics just seem to come to Jimmy, but…it’s too early in the morning for a fight. Instead he forces a smile and takes a bite of his pancakes. They aren’t the best thing he’s ever had, but they’re better than the weed pancakes Jimmy had inadvertently made the other day.

They’d kissed a lot that day; Jimmy had already been high, and Kyle had a few pancakes before realizing why they tasted funny.

Kyle’s smile turns more genuine at the memory, it’s hazy but it sends a warm feeling through him.

The rest of the morning passes in amicable silence. Kyle moves to the couch and continues agonizing over the book and Jimmy moves once again to the piano, playing one of the earlier songs.

Kyle lets Jimmy’s voice wash over him as he works, a comforting backdrop to his stress. Jimmy’s voice is beautiful and soft as he plays for just the two of them.

He doesn’t realize he’s nodded off until Jimmy is shaking his shoulder gently.

“Ky, we’re gonna be late.”

“Huh.” Kyle blinks, thrown off by the sudden sleep haze. “Yeah. Ok. I’m awake.”

Jimmy moves away to gather their things; he grabs Kyle’s bag off the counter and snags his flannel from where it still rests haphazardly on a chair.

Kyle stretches and moves to stand; he’s surprised when a blanket slips from his shoulders. He looks over to Jimmy, who is trying (without much luck) to tie the tie of his uniform, and smiles. Moments like this are why he loves Jimmy through all the bad. (He doesn’t use the word ‘friends’ in his head, in the quiet private space of his mind he allows himself to hope).

Jimmy tosses Kyle’s bag to him and he catches it easily. However, Jimmy gives him a stern look when he tries to slip the book into his bag.

“What?” Kyle asks, snapping the flap of the bag shut.

“Put it back.”

“No.” Kyle resists the urge to cross his arms.

“You won’t be able to work on it ‘til we get back anyway, you’ll just stress if it’s in your bag.” Jimmy states all of this matter-of-factly as he finally gets his tie on straight, as though it’s something anyone would’ve noticed.

“I’ll stress either way.” Kyle snaps, unsure why he’s pushing the point so hard. Maybe he just wants to feel like he’s contributing something to the musical. Jimmy writes all these beautiful songs and Kyle can’t even finish one scene.

“Ok,” Jimmy shrugs, not pressing the issue further.

Jimmy snags another pancake off the table and mimes blowing on it to cool it. The tense moment is forgotten as Kyle rolls his eyes.

Karen is waiting on the steps in front of the bar when they arrive.

Jimmy laughs, immediately slipping into a flirty tone. “You know some people would call this stalking.”

Karen bristles, “who said I was waiting for you?”

“Uh, huh.” Jimmy is clearly unimpressed with her excuse. “You know anyone else who works here.”

Kyle steps in before it can escalate into a full-blown argument. “Hi, Karen. What are you doing here?”

“I was going to talk to you about your musical, but I’m not so sure now.” Karen stands a little stiffly, Jimmy has a knack for ruffling feathers.

Jimmy scoffs, “we don’t have a musical.”

“So, Kyle was lying last night.”

This time it’s Jimmy who bristles at Karen’s words.

“Kyle doesn't—”

“Jimmy, our shift is starting soon.” Kyle cuts him off hurriedly, half-shooing him inside. Jimmy throws his hands up in defeat and goes inside, muttering under his breath harshly.

“Sorry about,” Kyle waves vaguely in the direction Jimmy went.

“He’s your friend, why again?” Kyle shifts, she isn’t the first person to ask this and it makes Kyle’s heart twist that no one else ever sees the good in Jimmy.

“He’s just very protective of our work.” It’s a simple way to explain a complex feeling, but there’s really no other words for it.

Karen nods, unconvinced, but changes the subject. “I talked to Derek about your musical.”

“Derek,” Kyle interrupts. “Like Derek Wills. As in _the_ Derek Wills.” Kyle has seen so many of the plays he’s directed, it seems crazy to think that he might _know_ someone who _knows_ Derek Wills.

Karen nods like it’s nothing. “I called him when Jimmy was playing his song and—”

“Derek Wills liked _our_ musical.” Kyle is officially freaking out.

Karen laughs, “save the enthusiasm for after you meet him.”

This does nothing to curb Kyle’s enthusiasm, “I get to _meet_ Derek Wills!”

“I just don’t see the point if Jimmy isn’t interested,” Karen speaks with a sigh.

“No,” Kyle reaches out loosely as Karen moves to turn away. “No. Jimmy is interested; you just need to know him. He doesn’t trust easy.” He racks his brain trying to think of something else to say. “We’re having a party tonight. You should come by, talk to Jimmy.”

Karen looks uncertain, but she takes the small paper that Kyle scribbles their address on.

Kyle digs through his bag quickly. He pulls out one of the Hit List songs and presses it into her hands gently. “Here, have someone play this for you.”

“Ky,” Jimmy calls, poking his head out the front door of the bar. “Shift’s starting.” He gives Karen a look that clearly means he doesn’t want her there.

“Just think about it,” Kyle says pleadingly before turning to follow Jimmy inside.

The shift goes by quickly, all Kyle can think about is meeting Derek Wills.

“You’re awfully bouncy today.” Jimmy comments as they gather their stuff. “What’d _she_ say to you anyway?”

“Uh.” Kyle hesitates, he’s never lied to Jimmy, but he’s worried about how Jimmy might react to Karen’s idea.

“It can’t be that bad.” Jimmy prods, “she ask you on a date or something?”

Kyle laughs, eagerly latching onto anything that might diffuse the building tension. “She talked to Derek Wills about our musical.”

The laughter drains from Jimmy’s face and he pauses in the middle of the sidewalk. “We don’t need anyone else.” His response is steely, attempting to leave no room for discussion.

Kyle sighs, he knew it would go like this. “It’s been just us for years, Jimmy. Don’t you think it’s about time we asked for a little help.”

Jimmy scoffs, moving, away from Kyle, down the sidewalk.

“Derek directs plays on Broadway, this could be our shot.” Kyle shouts the words at Jimmy, he loves this musical and he just wants to see all their work amount to something.

“Yeah,” Jimmy spins around. “And how long before this turns into Hit List, huh?! We’re just two boys from Brooklyn, they’ll use us and toss us to the curb.” Jimmy’s breathing hard, and if Kyle weren’t so pissed, he might appreciate how beautiful Jimmy looks with flushed cheeks and passionate eyes. “No, we do this on our own.”

“If you’re so set on doing it on your own, then what do you even need me for?” Kyle knows it’s pathetic, but he wishes, just once, that Jimmy didn’t have one foot out the door. Ready to run at the first sign of trouble.

“That’s not fair.” Jimmy runs a hand through his hair, searching for the right words. He looks at Kyle, eyes intense and holding a million unsaid things. “You know I can’t do this without you.”

Jimmy moves closer, hand brushing Kyle’s face, bright eyes never leaving his own. Kyle’s breath hitches, and for a moment he thinks that Jimmy will kiss him sober. Then Jimmy backs away.

“We should head home.” Jimmy says as though nothing has happened, and Kyle supposes for Jimmy that’s probably true.

“Yeah.” But he can’t get that look out of his head, it was reminiscent of that fragile moment that changed everything (sitting on the piano, singing and kissing).

The apartment is easy to clean, mainly because Kyle doesn’t let it get very dirty. He moves through the apartment organizing the mess of napkins covered in song lyrics into a respectable pile.

Jimmy alternates between a joint and the piano, occasionally folding a blanket or shirt that Kyle tosses at him.

A couple of friends arrive just before the party, toting a beer keg between them. Jimmy helps them set it up on a table in the corner. Soon enough the party is in full swing. Jimmy is lazing about on the couch, beer in hand, laughing with a few people. Kyle moves through the apartment making sure that everyone is happy, and no one’s broken anything.

He panics slightly as a few hours pass and there’s no sign of Karen.

“Stop pacing,” Jimmy comments lazily as Kyle passes the couch. “Relax.” He tugs Kyle’s hand and pulls him onto the couch gently. Jimmy presses his half-finished bottle into Kyle’s hands.

He wraps an arm around Kyle’s shoulders and carries on talking like it’s no big deal. Jimmy is warm and solid, and Kyle is pressed right up against him, he takes a large gulp from the bottle trying to distract himself from the feeling.

Kyle keeps one eye on the door and it’s only a few minutes later that he sees Karen enter, accompanied by three or four people. He extracts himself from Jimmy with difficulty, mainly because he doesn’t actually want to lose the contact.

His bottle is conveniently empty at this point, so he makes an excuse about getting another. His steps are slightly off kilter as he stands, he’s never been able to handle his alcohol very well.

“Karen, hi.” He keeps his voice down as he approaches her, even though he knows there’s no way Jimmy can hear them over the chatter of the party. “You came.”

Karen nods, looking as though she can’t quite believe it herself. “You asked, and the song was good,” she adds, as though her decision needs justification.

Kyle laughs, “I take it that surprised you.”

“No. I just—” Karen starts.

Kyle waves away her explanation. “I get it. People always underestimate me and Jimmy, you’re not the first.”

Karen flushes in embarrassment and turns to introduce the friends that have been watching their exchange with interest. “This is Ana.” A redhead, with a pixie cut, nods to him. “Bobby.” An attractive dark-haired man eyes him up and down. A blush creeps up Kyle’s cheeks, the alcohol making the flush even more prominent. “And Jessica.” A slim blonde smiles at him.

“So, you’re the cute book writer.” Bobby says, stepping closer to shake Kyle’s hand.

Behind Bobby, Ana rolls her eyes and Karen mouths _‘just ignore him.’_

“I guess,” Kyle responds awkwardly, the compliment doing nothing to help the flush in his cheeks.

“C’mon.” Jessica tugs on Bobby’s arm, “let’s get something to drink.”

Kyle points them in the direction of the keg.

“Ana, you coming?” Bobby asks.

“Huh?” Ana moves away from Karen, shooting her a quick glance that is so reminiscent of the one Kyle always gives Jimmy that Kyle immediately feels sorry for her.

“C’mon.” Jessica repeats, placing her other hand on Ana’s arm and dragging them both toward the beer table.

“So, you liked the song?” Kyle prompts, trying to spark an interesting conversation.

“Yeah. Your music has a lot of potential, I’d love to see the book.”

Kyle’s gaze drops to the floor, “the book isn’t exactly finished yet.”

“We started the Bombshell workshop with half a book. Whatever you have is fine.” Karen puts a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

Kyle smiles gratefully. Despite Jimmy’s fears Kyle knows that Karen is too nice to be Amanda. “Uh, Jimmy’s on the couch.” Kyle says when it’s clear that the current conversation topic is over.

Kyle leads Karen to the couch.

“What are you doing here?” Jimmy says when he catches sight of Karen, his expression turning sour.

“I invited her.” Kyle offers, hoping that this will alleviate some of Jimmy’s annoyance.

Jimmy takes a sip of his beer and chooses to go for flirty rather than angry. “Another pretty face is always welcome.”

Kyle frowns, wishing that Jimmy could just be friendly to someone. “I need a drink.” He comments, moving away. Jimmy’s hand falls to the arm of the couch as Kyle walks by and their fingers brush. Kyle tries to pretend that the heat running through his veins is just alcohol.

Kyle watches them as he grabs a bottle from the table. Karen has moved to the couch and Jimmy is leaning close to her, apparently listening to what she has to say.

“You too, huh?”

Kyle jumps. His gaze slides from the couch to the voice. Ana has come to stand next to him, her gaze on Karen and Jimmy looks equally as pained as his must have.

“Yeah.”

“Does he know?” Ana asks conversationally, as though she’s trying not to think about the pair on the couch.

“Does _she_?” Kyle isn’t normally so defensive, but the fact that an absolute stranger can see everything he feels just makes him feel pathetic.

“Who knows?” Ana’s voice sounds pained, “sometimes I think she does and sometimes she just—” She cuts herself off, wringing her hands together.

“8 years.” It’s only fair to give as good as he’s gotten. “That’s how long I—that’s how long he’s known.”

Ana nods, a self-deprecating smile sliding onto her face. She holds out a hand to Kyle, “Ana Vargas, pining gay.”

“Kyle Bishop. I founded this club.” He shakes her hand loosely, and they both laugh.

The room falls silent around them, and it doesn’t take long for Kyle to find the source of the distraction.

Karen is standing in front of Jimmy, singing her heart out. Singing _their_ song.

“You can push me away, I can take it

I can make you a promise, and break it”

Kyle knows he has to intervene. Karen is trying to prove to Jimmy that she likes their musical, but all Jimmy will see is a real-life Amanda.

He sets his beer on the table behind him, grateful that he hasn’t drunk much, and quickly moves over to Karen’s side. He’s still unsure of himself, but he needs to prove this to Jimmy.

“Hear it thunder, and I wonder

How long can I hang on?”

Kyle’s voice is steady and nowhere near as uncertain as he feels. Karen eyes him gratefully, their voices blending together perfectly.

Kyle’s gaze falls to the couch, eyes locking with Jimmy and suddenly every word is for him. “I'm caught in the rush that hides this pain

I'm ready to drown, but it's comin' down, but I feel so alive”

“When you love someone, you find a way to stay.”

It takes Kyle a moment to realize that they’ve finished singing, it’s hard to think with Jimmy’s eyes staring at him so intently. Then the moment shatters and Jimmy is jumping off the couch, pushing through the crowd of people and out the door.

Karen steps forward like she wants to follow, but Kyle waves her off. This is his fault, he gave her the song, he’ll be the one to explain it to Jimmy.

The air outside the apartment is crisp and cold. Kyle shivers, in his rush he’d neglected to bring a jacket.

Jimmy is leaning against the wall of their building, staring intently at the joint clutched in his hand.

“Jimmy,” Kyle asks cautiously.

Jimmy puts the joint to his lips and takes a puff but doesn’t respond.

“I’m sorry,” he tries again.

“She stole our song.” Jimmy explodes, eyes blazing.

“I gave it to her, I—”

“What!” Jimmy takes a step toward Kyle. “I told you we could do this on our own.”

“And I told you I’m tired of doing it alone.” Kyle fires back. “We have a real actual shot here.”

“‘We’,” Jimmy’s tone is harsh and mocking in a way that Kyle has rarely heard directed at himself. “I’m writing the songs for this and you can’t even finish the book.”

Kyle takes a step back; Jimmy just hurled his greatest fear at him. He can feel tears burning in his eyes, but he won’t let them fall. Won’t give Jimmy the satisfaction of knowing he’s broken something else. “I’m helping you write the songs too, asshole.”

For once, Kyle can understand why Jimmy always chooses anger. It’s easier, easier than grieving your own pain, lashing out and causing someone else’s instead.

“You’d be sleeping in a gutter, inches away from O.D.ing if it weren’t for me. So, don’t for one second pretend you could’ve done this without me.”

Jimmy recoils instantly. As a rule, they don’t talk about the worst of his past with drugs. Kyle knows he’s crossed a line, but Jimmy crossed that line first and Kyle can’t help but feel a small stab of pleasure at the way Jimmy’s eyes turn a little glassy.

Jimmy opens his mouth like there’s something he wants to say, but no sound comes out.

Only now does Kyle realize how close they’ve gotten, pressed together in a patch of darkness on a brick wall.

Then everything explodes in a flurry of movement. Kyle is shoved into the wall, bricks protruding into his back at odd intervals.

This kiss is like none of the ones they’ve had before, Jimmy’s mouth is sloppy in a way that is reminiscent of their first kiss, but none of them have ever been this harsh. One of Jimmy’s hands is in his hair tugging on it so hard it’s painful, the other is on Kyle’s hip, already well on the way to leaving a hand-shaped bruise.

The combination of Jimmy’s kisses and alcohol are kryptonite for his brain, and the only things real in the world are Jimmy’s lips and his hands. It’s only when they pull away for air does Kyle even begin to remember that they’d been arguing.

Jimmy dives back in for another kiss, but Kyle pushes him back gently. This isn’t healthy and he knows it, any other night he would just ignore that and enjoy it, but tonight, after everything that’s been said.

“I can’t.” Kyle’s words are gentle but firm. Jimmy backs up immediately, the intimacy immediately masked with anger. Jimmy is clearly itching for something to give him an adrenaline rush, whether it be the arguing or the kissing, but tonight Kyle doesn’t have the energy for either.

Thankfully, most of the guests had gotten the message and have cleared out by the time Kyle reenters the apartment. The few stragglers left are easily shooed out. Karen and her friends are long gone, and Kyle can’t help but wonder if they’ve missed their chance.

Kyle wants to clean, he can’t stand the apartment this dirty, but it’s all he can do to kick his shoes off and flop on his bed.

He doesn’t make a sound as he cries himself to sleep.


	3. Apologies and Friends

The first thing Kyle notices when he wakes is the distinct lack of trash in the apartment. He knows it was a mess when he went to sleep last night and can’t understand how it’s suddenly clean until he notices Jimmy asleep at the kitchen counter, trash bag held loosely in his hand.

There are a few other bags piled against the door, someone had even swept. Kyle gently takes the bag, throwing the last few pieces of trash into the bag before placing it with the others.

In the light of day, it’s much harder to be mad at Jimmy. The anger from the previous night has more or less faded, and the fact that Jimmy has gone out of his way to do such a nice thing melts his heart.

Tentatively, he reaches a hand forward and gently strokes Jimmy’s hair.

“Mm.” Jimmy mumbles, leaning into the touch as he begins to wake up. “Ky,” Jimmy’s eyes are sleepy and tender as they open to meet Kyle’s.

Kyle blushes and immediately retreats, pulling his hand back to rest at his side. Jimmy’s hand twitches, and then he stretches, waking up more completely.

“You didn’t have to clean up.” Kyle says, hoping not to discuss the position Jimmy had just found him in.

Jimmy’s eyes darken, replacing the sleepy vulnerability with a more haunted look. “I did.”

Kyle nods, unsure what else to say without diving back into the argument from the previous night. “Thank you.”

Kyle hugs him. Jimmy is a very physical person and they share touches nearly every day, but those are of a more sexual nature. Innocent heartfelt gestures are lost on both of them, and Kyle isn’t sure why he hugs Jimmy, but once he does, he knows it’s the perfect thing to do.

Jimmy’s body is tense, every muscle taught in anticipation of a much less gently touch. After a few seconds though his body sags and he buries his face in the crook of Kyle’s shoulder. Jimmy’s arms wrap around Kyle, hugging him back fiercely.

They stay that way for a few minutes, reveling in the innocent touch and breathing each other in.

Kyle pulls away first, worried that any longer would be overstepping. “We should probably make breakfast.”

“Yeah,” Jimmy’s arms are still around Kyle’s back and are showing no signs of leaving. His hands have slid lower, making Jimmy’s fiery touch feel much less innocent.

“Uh, Jimmy. Hands.” Kyle prompts.

Jimmy’s cheeks look red in the morning light as he quickly removes his hands. “Sorry,” Jimmy winks.

Kyle rolls his eyes, even tired and emotionally spent from the night before Jimmy can still muster the energy to be flirty.

Kyle grabs eggs from the fridge, while Jimmy sits at the counter, watching him cook. After a minute or so Jimmy speaks. “She wasn’t that bad.”

“Hmm,” Kyle asks. He has a guess what Jimmy’s talking about but if he’s wrong, they’ll land right back in last night’s argument.

“Karen,” Jimmy pauses, seemingly trying to choose words that are complementing, but not necessarily _nice_. “She—with the song. It could’ve been better—a lot better, but maybe we could show her how to do it right. And maybe she isn’t trying to steal it.” He adds haltingly after a moment.

It’s better than Kyle could hope for, he isn’t sure if this turn is because Jimmy wants to sleep with Karen or because he feels bad about their argument, but he doesn’t care.

Kyle spins around to look at Jimmy, a wild grin spreading across his face. A piece of egg flies off the spatula he’d been using to cook and hits Jimmy in the face.

“Sorry.” Kyle turns pink as he hands Jimmy a towel to wipe his face. He lowers the spatula, cautiously, making sure there is no more flying food before speaking again. “I’ll just finish the eggs.”

The eggs end up a little burned, but still a lot tastier than if Jimmy had been allowed to cook them. He has an odd fascination with adding weed to everything, just to see how it’ll taste (Most of the time this ends badly, but Kyle hasn’t yet complained about the make-out session that followed the weed pancakes).

Jimmy devours the eggs, nonetheless, exclaiming all the while. “If this musical thing doesn’t work out, we should open a restaurant.”

Kyle rolls his eyes, but a smile still creeps onto his face. Jimmy doesn’t get homecooked meals very often, so Kyle goes out of his ways to cook for him. He waits until Jimmy has licked the plate clean (this isn’t even an exaggeration sometimes) before speaking. “If you really want to,” Kyle speaks cautiously, wary of Jimmy’s tendency to back out. “I can call Karen.”

He watches Jimmy carefully, searching for the tell-tale signs that Jimmy has had enough. “It could be a good opportunity.” He’s parroting Kyle’s words back at him, but it’s still an agreement, which is rare for Jimmy.

Kyle is tempted to hug him, but the fear that he’d overstepped before keeps him rooted to the spot. “Thank you,” the words are simple, but Kyle hopes the look on his face conveys the rest.

Jimmy nods.

Kyle’s conversation with Karen is quick and to the point.

Twenty minutes later, they stand outside of the address Karen sent them. It’s a nice inexpensive apartment building in a good neighborhood, but it’s still more than Jimmy and Kyle could ever afford.

They stand awkwardly at the door until Karen buzzes them up.

“Sorry,” she offers as her voice comes over the intercom. “I was in the shower.”

Jimmy fidgets uncomfortably the entire ride up the elevator and the walk down the hall.

“Are you ok?” Kyle asks, reaching over. His wraps loosely around Jimmy’s, in Jimmy’s other he flips the flash drive back and forth, staring at it as though his life depends on it. 

“Yeah.” Jimmy finally clenches the flash drive in his fist, knuckles turning so white Kyle worries he might smash it. “I just—this building. It doesn’t feel like we belong.”

Kyle understands that feeling exactly. From the clean sidewalks to the graffiti-less walls, it’s an entirely different world than the one they normally live in, and the stark contrast is painful.

The contrast is only more painfully highlighted when Karen opens the door, looking casually poised and fitting right in.

Kyle doesn’t realize that they’re still holding hands until Jimmy squeezes his hand tighter, seeking comfort.

Karen’s gaze slides down to their interlocked hands for a moment as they pass, but she doesn’t comment.

Ana is tucked on the couch, burrowed into a fuzzy cardigan, and waves to them as they enter. They all sit, Karen naturally takes the seat next to Ana, while Kyle and Jimmy settle on the other couch.

Jimmy fumbles with the flash drive for a few moments before handing it over to Karen. “This is everything we have so far, the songs and the book.”

Karen takes it gratefully, with a smile. “Thank you.”

Jimmy nods, still looking a little skittish. Trust was always hard for him, and Kyle appreciated that he was making any effort at all. Though he appreciates the effort less when Jimmy’s hand lingers on Karen’s a little longer than is necessary.

“Do you guys want something to drink?” Ana offers, breaking the moment.

“Sure, thank you.” Kyle replies, snapping his gaze away from Karen and Jimmy.

Ana reaches forward and grabs Kyle’s arm, “give me a hand with the kettle, will you?”

It’s not really a question, so Kyle doesn’t bother replying as he is dragged into the kitchen.

Ana barely wastes a second flipping the kettle on before turning back to him. “What’s up with you guys today? One second he’s holding your hand for dear life, the next he’s making sex eyes at Karen. What the hell happened last night?”

Kyle’s eyes flit to the kitchen doorway, whether it’s because he’s looking for an out or he’s terrified that Jimmy will hear every word of this conversation.

Ana scoffs, waving him away from the doorway. “They can’t hear us over the sound of their own unresolved sexual tension.” They both grimace at her words, but it at least alleviates his fear of being heard.

“We had a fight last night.” Kyle is purposely vague, Ana seems kind and honest, but Jimmy’s problems aren’t his to tell. “A bad one. I said things I shouldn’t have…”

The look Ana gives him is piercing, “that’s not all, is it?”

Kyle shakes his head. “We made out.”

“Before or—.”

“After, right after. One moment he’s yelling and the next he’s kissing me.”

“That’s…not healthy.” The look Ana gives him is pitying.

“I know.” Kyle snaps, glancing at the doorway in fear of Jimmy hearing his outburst. “I know that,” he speaks much more calmly now, deflating a bit. “It only happens when he’s drunk or high or both. I know it won’t happen any other way, so I—I take what I can get.” Kyle looks at the floor, he can’t stand seeing Ana’s pity again, he’s aware of how pathetic it is.

“I get it…” Ana glances at the doorway now, and Kyle knows that she’s thinking about Karen. “But maybe it’s time to try to move on.” Ana suggests gently.

Kyle looks at her and he can feel something breaking in his heart, “don’t you think I would if I could.”

"Hey.” Ana hugs him gently and Kyle can feel the tears run down his cheeks. “One way or another this will all work out eventually.”

They jump apart when the kettle whistles. Kyle quickly wipes his eyes on a sleeve as Ana pours up a few mugs of tea. She gently pushes one into his hands. The mug is a warm calming presence and he immediately feels better as he sips the hot liquid.

“Slow down there,” Ana laughs. “You’ll burn your tongue, hot shot.”

The atmosphere between them is considerably lighter as they move back into the living room. Kyle even slips an easy smile onto his face.

Jimmy is speaking as they enter the room, “—owe it to him.” He shoots Kyle an indecipherable look as they re-enter the living room but doesn’t continue.

“Hey.” There’s something lighter and easier in Jimmy’s face as he speaks to Kyle, and it makes him wonder _what_ Karen said to him.

“Hi?” Jimmy tugs Kyle into his side gently, leaving Kyle stunned at the action (having only ever received it when Jimmy is inebriated).

Ana smiles into her mug and casts a subtle wink at Kyle.

Kyle is tempted to stick his tongue out at her, but his brain has stopped functioning. It’s all he can do to process Jimmy’s touch.

They continue talking for a few hours, mainly Jimmy trading snarky comments with Ana, or Karen telling them about her plans to show Derek their music.

Kyle just sips his tea and watches, rather than contributing to the conversation, it’s nice to see Jimmy interact positively with other people. After a while, Kyle’s head falls onto Jimmy’s shoulder, the calm environment and warm drink lulling him to sleep.

Kyle is partially aware that Jimmy murmurs a goodbye to Karen, but he isn’t fully awake until they exit the apartment building into the chilly night.

“C’mon, Ky.” Jimmy tugs on him when he doesn’t walk fast enough.

“I’m coming.” Kyle whines, blinking sleepily. “Don’t rush me.”

Their apartment is cold when they arrive (their heater is temperamental at best) and Kyle is grateful for an excuse to stay close to Jimmy. Despite the cold, Jimmy is always warm and Kyle presses against his side as they enter. They move to Jimmy’s bed (it’s larger and has more blankets) and huddle together. Nuzzled against Jimmy and layered under warm blankets, it’s only a matter of minutes before Kyle’s eyelids begin to grow heavy.

Jimmy hums the songs that they worked on together a few days before as he tucks the blanket around them. Kyle is half-asleep and figures he must be imagining it when Jimmy presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.

Kyle finally drifts asleep as Jimmy sings, quietly and intimately as though each and every word is just for Kyle.


	4. The Distraction

Kyle wakes nuzzled against something warm and solid. He moves closer and it shifts.

“Ky,” comes sleepily from his pillow.

Suddenly, Kyle is jumping away, beet red and stammering. He moves so fast that he nearly falls out of the bed. They’ve shared a bed many times before, but whenever they wake up so close, he feels he’s crossed a boundary.

“Ky,” Jimmy mumbles again reaching out over Kyle’s recently vacated spot on the bed. His fingers curl into the empty sheets, and Kyle rolls his eyes as Jimmy starfishes on the bed. Kyle prods the blanket gently back over Jimmy. Knowing that he won’t be able to sleep again anyway, he moves over to the piano.

Kyle doesn’t play as often or as well as Jimmy does, but he knows a few tunes, and he can play most of their songs fairly well.

He starts off slowly, getting his feet under him.

“I wish you were a bad man

I wish you made it easier

I wish you'd done something unforgivable.”

Kyle’s voice wavers as he begins to cry. His conversation with Ana washes over him, sometimes he just can’t do this. After everything, he can’t bring himself to _want_ to fall out of love with Jimmy, and he hates how pathetic that makes him feel.

“'Cause holding onto you is all that I can do until—” He stops, tears choking his voice.

His hands slide off the keyboard and fall to the bench as he shakes silently. _Come on, Kyle, pull yourself together,_ he chides himself forcefully.

After a few more minutes, he can’t take it anymore. He needs to get out of their apartment. He scribbles a quick note to Jimmy before fleeing the apartment.

It’s a bit chilly out, but Kyle refuses to go back for a coat. Instead, he shivers as he moves down the street quickly. He has no destination in mind beyond getting away from Jimmy for a while.

Kyle wanders around aimlessly for a bit before finding himself at an old pier. He had a lot of fond memories of this pier, he and Jimmy had spent many a nice afternoon here, after their shifts, working on their musical.

This was where the musical had really come together for the first time, they’d come up with the ending at least. He just gazes out at the water, letting the minutes tick by as he enjoys the calm of the water early in the morning.

He doesn’t stay long though, the place’s strong connection to Jimmy threatens to drown him in a wave of negative memories.

Eventually, his feet carry him to the only person who seems to be able to say anything helpful to him. Ana. His feet take him to her apartment before he even realizes it. Now that he’s been inside, the clean brick walls don’t seem as intimidating.

Thankfully, it’s Ana who answers when he buzzes the intercom. He isn’t sure he could handle talking to Karen right now.

“Kyle?” She asks, and he remembers that he didn’t call ahead. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll explain, just buzz me up please.” Kyle hates how pitiful he sounds, but he just can’t keep it in today.

“Ok.”

Ana already has the door open and is peering up and down the hall when Kyle climbs the stairs to her floor.

“Hey, sweetie.” Ana speaks gently, reaching out her arms.

Kyle falls into them numbly. She steps back quickly pulling him into the apartment with her. She kicks the door shut with a foot before steering him over to the couch.

He melts against her as they sit on the couch, with anyone else he might’ve felt ashamed, but there’s something comforting and open about her presence.

“Shh.” She murmurs to him gently, running her hand through his hair soothingly. “Just let it all out.” He just sits in her arms and cries, it feels nice to let it all out. He spends so much time and energy on Jimmy, it feels different ( _good_ different) to have someone spend a little bit of time and energy on him.

Finally, he sits up, feeling thoroughly drained. He still manages to muster up the strength to ask, “where’s Karen?” He’s terrified that she could burst through the door at any moment and give him another breakdown.

“She’s with Derek.” There’s a note of reproach in her voice that makes Kyle suspect Karen may have more than a passing _friendship_ with Derek. “She won’t be back any time soon.”

Kyle nods, some of the tension seeping from him.

“What did Jimmy do?” Ana asks, with a note of hostility that Kyle knows is directed at Jimmy.

Kyle shakes his head, “it’s not anything that he did. I just can’t stand being so close, and knowing—knowing that he’ll never… I had to get away from him.”

Ana nods thoughtfully, before hopping off the couch. “What you need is to get out.”

Kyle looks at her reproachfully, wanting nothing more than to melt into the couch forever.

“C’mon.” He allows himself to be pulled like a toddler, albeit with some grumbling. “You can mope on my bed.”

True to her words, he flops on her bed as soon as they enter her room. She immediately begins rummaging through her closet, tossing out a surprising amount of guy’s clothes. With an occasional murmur of dismissal.

Kyle finally speaks as a shirt lands on head. “Why do you have all this stuff?” He examines the shirt critically, but it doesn’t seem like something Ana would ever wear.

“You’d be surprised how many guys will just walk out of here without a shirt.”

Kyle holds up a pair of jeans quizzically, “and pants?”

Ana just smiles mischievously.

“I thought you were into girls though.” Kyle says, trying to put the pieces of Ana together in a way that makes sense.

Ana shrugs. “Mostly. But it’s easier to ignore the whole _feelings situation_ , if I stick to guys.”

Kyle nods, it’s not especially healthy, but he’s not one to judge.

“Here.” She tosses him a moderately dressy shirt and nice pair of jeans. “Change,” and shoves him into the bathroom.

He actually contemplates sitting in there until she gives up and leaves him alone, but he knows she’s trying to help. He leaves his own clothes in a neatly folded pile on the counter and slips into the ones Ana gave him.

He has to admit it’s a nice choice, the clothes do look good on him. He briefly wishes Jimmy were here to see him like this, but he shakes the thought away. A little space will do him good.

Ana wolf whistles playfully as he exits the bathroom and he rolls his eyes at her.

“Will you tell me where we’re going?” Kyle flops back onto the bed, but at a look from Ana he sits up, careful not to wrinkle the shirt.

“No.” She says and struts into the bathroom to change.

They take a lot of detours on the way to wherever it is they’re going. At one point they stop at a small café, where Ana shoves a plate of eggs at him along with the comment, “you haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

They spend a lot longer than necessary talking over the food, but Kyle isn’t complaining the small talk is comforting. It’s nice to chat with someone without nearly a decade’s worth of unrequited love hanging over his head.

A few hours later and they’re still walking around aimlessly, just better fed.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Kyle asks again for what feels like the hundredth time.

Ana shrugs. “I would, but…we’re here.” She spreads her arms in a sweeping gesture that encompasses the building next to them. Kyle hadn’t paid it much mind, but now he gives it another look. It’s a respectable-looking building, clean brown wood, and an unassuming sign proclaiming: _Third Base_.

Kyle eyes it uncertainly before turning back to Ana. “What is it?”

“This is your distraction.”

Kyle looks at her apprehensively, she rolls her eyes and reaches for the door handle.

She doesn’t give him a moment to comprehend what he sees before yanking him inside.

The inside is vastly different from the outside. The tinted windows kept out the barrage of colors that now assault Kyle’s eyes. Every surface imaginable appeared to be decked out colorfully (blue tables, green chairs, red walls, a purple counter, and an army of pink ceiling fans).

The color palette begins to make more sense though as Kyle looks around, “you brought me to a gay bar?” Kyle whispers harshly to Ana.

A couple of heads turn, but for the most part, no one ignores his quiet outburst.

Ana just rolls her eyes and responds matter-of-factly. “You need to get _out_. What better place than somewhere where everyone is out?”

Kyle cringes at her bad pun, but smiles, nevertheless. Maybe this could be fun.

He moves over to the bar, and orders something strong.

“Need to take the edge off?” The comment comes from his right. An attractive dark-haired guy is smiling knowingly at him.

“Something like that. I haven’t…been out in a while.” Kyle flushes in embarrassment as he admits this.

“I won’t tell anyone.” The guy whispers conspiratorially and holds out a hand. “I’m Blake.”

“Kyle.”

He glances back for a moment to see Ana toss him a thumbs up before moving to talk to a blonde who bears a striking resemblance to Karen. Kyle is tempted to bang his head against the counter. Could she be any _less_ subtle?

“Your sister?” Blake inquired curiously at the interaction between them.

Kyle shook his head, “not quite. That’s my friend, she got tired of me moping on her couch.”

Blake nods curiously but doesn’t press. In fear of the scene turning awkward, Kyle takes a large sip of his drink for something to do.

"So, Kyle. What do you do?” Blake asks conversationally.

“I bartend at a restaurant.”

“Hmm.” Blake responds without judgment, “I do lights over at this theatre in Manhattan.”

Kyle’s eyes bug. “That’s amazing.” He exclaims, “I love theatre.”

Blake laughs, clearly taken aback at Kyle’s obvious enthusiasm.

5 minutes later, they’re knee-deep in a discussion about the hottest male leads on Broadway and Kyle is laughing airily.

“I don’t know, Michael Swift was pretty great in Bombshell.”

“Eh,” Blake responds, intellectually. “He wasn’t bad, but the show never even made it to Broadway.” At the scoff in his voice, Kyle suddenly feels a stab of pity for Karen. It couldn’t be easy to have everyone view your art as a walking train wreck. “What about Eddie Redmayne in Les Mis?”

Kyle nods, taking another sip of his drink. “He gets bonus points for that voice of his.”

Blake laughs again. “A guy after my own heart.”

The statement is so awkward and cheesy that they both break out into giggles soon after.

“I’m actually writing a musical.” Kyle says confidently (ever the lightweight, the alcohol has loosened his tongue and made him a bit more social). “Well, I’m writing the book. My stupid too-hot-for-his-own-good roommate is writing the songs.”

Blake raises an eyebrow, “that sounds… _complicated_.”

Kyle laughs sarcastically, the word doesn’t even begin to do their situation justice.

“Something like that.”

Blake smiles sweetly at him and Kyle nearly melts. “Well, if you need something a little less complicated or if you want to talk more.” He scribbles his number on a piece of paper and hands it to Kyle.

“Are you sure?” Kyle asks stupidly. “I just gave you a whole list of reasons why I’m a mess.”

Blake shrugs, “What can I say? I’m a sucker for the damaged artist type.” He shook his head, “no. I just think I’d like to get to know you.”

A completely innocent blush creeps across Kyle’s cheeks at those words, and he ducks his head shyly. “Ok.”

Blake finishes his drink and moves away through the crowd. It only takes Ana a second to swoop onto his empty seat.

“So?” She prompts after a second when he doesn’t say anything.

“He’s nice.” Kyle offers weakly, unsure what Ana is looking for.

She whacks his arm playfully, “c’mon. He’s hot and”—Ana waggled her eyebrows—“he was super into you.”

Kyle peers in the direction Blake has disappeared. He catches sight of a mop of dark hair as Blake talks with someone else.

"Maybe.” Kyle looks at Blake again, thinking of a different brunette. He starts on a second beer, downing it much faster than the first.

Ana looks at him a little sadly, knocking back her own beer. “You’re not going to get anywhere if—”

“I know.” Kyle finishes his second beer with a sigh and gestures for a third. “I’m trying. I talked to Blake. I don’t know what else to do.”

“Shh.” Ana rubs his arm gently, “you’re trying. That’s the first step.”

Kyle nods, he knows, but it’s hard to believe at the moment. They sit in silence a while, drinking and commiserating. Ana doesn’t say anything when he slips Blake’s number into his pocket. She does pick up his tab, so he figures she approves.

They’ve gone through about five beers each when they finally decide to call it a day, and Kyle is feeling distinctly off-kilter as they head towards the door. Ana, who can clearly hold her liquor better than he can, is only slightly swaying on her feet.

“Come on, lightweight. Let’s get you home.” Ana comments when Kyle bumps into a stool and apologizes while giggling. She wraps an arm around his shoulders loosely and steers him towards the door.

Kyle is still giggling when they hit the street. “This is nice,” he says burying his face in Ana’s arm. The shifting weight throws her off and they stumble as they move down the sidewalk.

“Woah, I gotta get you back to Jimmy in one piece.” Ana laughs, trying to find her balance.

Kyle sobers slightly at her words, a drunken frown crossing his face. “He won’t care either way.”

Ana frowns but doesn’t say anything, which Kyle is thankful for. He isn’t sure he’d believe her anyway.

The walk from the bar back to Kyle’s apartment is shorter than he expects. They’d gone in something of a circle between Ana’s apartment and the bar. Kyle is still stumbling when they reach his door. He fumbles with the key for a minute, before Ana takes the key out of his hands and inserts it easily into the lock.

“Honestly, how do you function without me?” Ana says with a roll of her eyes.

Kyle laughs, shrugging. “Who knows?”

He’s still laughing when Ana finally prods the door open.

Jimmy springs away from the blonde he’d been making out with. The laughter dies in Kyle’s throat and an uncomfortable silence falls over the space.

Jimmy clears hit throat, “uh, Jenna—”

“Emily.” She corrects, looking mildly offended.

“Yeah.” Jimmy looks nonplussed as he continues. “You should go.”

She huffs but slides off the bench without protest. Ana glares daggers at her the entire time she gathers her things, but Kyle just feels numb. He doesn’t even blink as the blonde shoves past them and through the door.

“I’ll see you later,” Kyle says to Ana quietly. She opens her mouth to protest, but Kyle shakes his head and she nods reluctantly.

“Ky?” Jimmy tries as Kyle moves across the apartment to his bed.

Kyle ignores him, desperately trying to get that scene out of his head.

“Ky?”

“What do you want me to say, Jimmy!?” Kyle whirls on him with all the force of an accusation. “I can’t say that didn’t hurt. I can’t say ‘everything is fine’.” The alcohol running through him is bringing everything he usually hides to the surface in a flurry of pain. “I’m tired of saying things just to make you feel better, Jimmy.” (Kyle is mispronouncing half the words and he sways on his feet without Ana to support him, but he gets the point across.)

Jimmy steps forward, reaching out a hand to Kyle’s shoulder to steady him. Kyle hates the way he leans into Jimmy, even when he’s drowning in hurt and anger.

“I’m so tired, Jimmy.” Kyle’s voice cracks as tears prick his eyes.

The exhaustion and the alcohol must be addling his brain because as Jimmy helps him over to the couch, he says, forlornly, “why are you so pretty?”

Jimmy doesn’t say anything as he moves away to retrieve a blanket for Kyle.

“This would be easier if you weren’t so pretty.” Kyle mumbles, picking at a spot on his shirt.

Jimmy comes back into Kyle’s line of view, holding a blanket and a pillow.

Kyle can’t stand the silence anymore and as Jimmy tucks the blanket around him, he blurts, “why don’t you love me?”

Something in Jimmy’s face cracks and his movements still. One of his hands reaches up gently, as though Kyle is the most precious thing in the world and strokes his cheek.

“It’s not that simple,” Jimmy says tenderly. The alcohol must be turning Kyle’s brain to mush because he almost believes that means Jimmy loves him.


	5. The Prelude

The air is tense the next morning.

Kyle’s head is pounding as he shuffles through the kitchen. He grabs a glass of water and fumbles with the aspirin bottle for a moment before finally extracting a couple of tablets. He downs the pills quickly, knowing it’ll be a few minutes before they take effect.

“This might work better.” Jimmy states from his seat at the counter, Kyle hadn’t even noticed him in his zombie shuffle through the kitchen. Jimmy is holding a joint out towards him.

“God, Jimmy.” Kyle runs a hand over his face tiredly, “it’s eight in the morning. Can’t you stay sober for a little while.”

Jimmy shrugs, still waving the joint around. “Are you sure you don’t want some?”

Kyle ignores him, and fishes around in the fridge for some bread and butter. He’s just shoved the buttered bread into the toaster when his phone rings. He picks it up without looking at it.

“Hello.”

His voice must sound as tired as he feels because Ana says, “do I need to kill Jimmy?”

Kyle laughs lightly. “Maybe later. What’s up?”

There’s a muffled shuffling sound from the other end, and Kyle can only assume that Ana is moving the phone around. “Karen talked to Derek about your musical. He wants to meet you.”

All other things forgotten, Kyle exclaims in delight, “today?!”

Ana laughs, “tomorrow. Karen is gonna come by today and tell you when.”

Ana makes him promise to call her if he needs her, before finally hanging up.

Jimmy is watching him curiously as he sets the phone on the counter, practically quivering with excitement.

“Derek wants to meet with us.” Kyle says in response to Jimmy’s bemused look. That’s all the explanation he offers before he pounces on his bag, which rests carelessly on his nightstand. The papers are a mess as he pulls them out of the bag.

He spreads them out over the counter, trying to remember the order. Jimmy unhelpfully sings random songs lyrics as Kyle moves papers around. Unfortunately, this only makes him more confused.

“That’s not right,” he mumbles under his breath looking at the papers. He stands back, hoping a different angle on the papers will help.

“Take a breath, Ky. The papers aren’t going anywhere.” Jimmy speaks lazily, stretching on the couch like a cat.

“I promised Karen I’d have it written down,” Kyle says distractedly. “Derek is a big shot. We can’t blow this.”

Jimmy sighs and finally rolls off the couch. He makes grabbing motions for the mess of papers still in Kyle’s arms. “This one goes here.” He sets a paper, covered in particularly vicious scribbles, off the right. “We scrapped this one and this one. This one too.” He dumps the indicated papers in the trash can.

Kyle nods, getting in the flow of things. “And we had a better version of this.” He gestures to the scene in the middle of the musical.

“Yeah.” Jimmy agrees, “that night on Fourth of July when we got wasted…” He trails away and Kyle remembers what he doesn’t say.

(The party had cleared out, Jimmy and Kyle sat on the couch laughing and talking. Jimmy was singing to Kyle, he always seemed to sing when he was drunk. Jimmy kissed Kyle once more before reaching over to write down the song lyric on the nearest piece of paper, in this case, a napkin he’d grabbed from the floor. Jimmy had murmured sweet things to him as they’d kissed each other heavily, pressed against each other.

And if a few of the things Jimmy had said to him wound up in the dialogue, neither of them said anything. Just one more thing _not_ to talk about)

Kyle looks away from Jimmy, his cheeks burning. He can’t deal with all the unsaid things right now. Instead, he focuses on sorting through the stack of papers, looking for the missing scene. When he can’t it there he moves back to his nightstand.

He checks every drawer twice before finally sitting back dejectedly, “no. No. No.”

“What’s wrong?” Jimmy asks with about as much concern as he can, his eyes growing hazy and unfocused as he takes yet another hit.

“Nothing,” Kyle responds quickly. Because if the paper isn’t here then it’s _there_ , and no matter how mad Kyle might be, he would never send Jimmy back _there._ To _Adam_.

Jimmy looks unimpressed with the lie. He always was a better liar than Kyle.

Kyle sighs, “I can’t find the scene we rewrote.” He lets the unsaid half of that sentence hang in the air. Kyle can tell by the way Jimmy’s jaw tightens and the haunted look he always hides with alcohol and drugs becomes more pronounced.

“It’s fine. I can just write it again.” Kyle offers quickly, anything to get rid of that look in Jimmy’s eyes. He reaches out a hand haltingly, unsure if touch will help or hurt Jimmy now. Jimmy’s hand reaches out to meet Kyle’s grasping it gently and holding it up to his cheek.

Jimmy doesn’t say anything in response, just stays in that moment with Kyle for a while.

Eventually, Kyle pulls away reluctantly. “My shift starts earlier than yours today.” Though Kyle’s hand has fallen from Jimmy’s cheek, their hands are still touching, and the contact is scalding. “I have to go.”

Jimmy watches Kyle gather his things with absent eyes (due less to the drugs than to the memories no doubt playing in his head).

Kyle has finally tossed the last things he needs into his bag when Jimmy surges forward. He tugs at Kyle’s arm roughly, pulling him into a scorching kiss. It’s rough, reminiscent of the night several days before when Jimmy had him pressed against a brick wall and kiss him so thoroughly that nothing else mattered.

Now though, it seems as if Jimmy is the one trying to forget. He pushes more and more into Kyle until there’s barely a breath of space between them. Jimmy’s roving hands aren’t doing much for Kyle’s senses, but he can’t afford to be late (this job is the only reason they aren’t on the street).

Kyle pulls away, feeling breathless and thoroughly kissed. That haunted look is still there, hovering in Jimmy’s eyes. It’s this more than anything else that has Kyle moving closer again and pressing a gentle loving kiss to Jimmy’s lips.

“I love you,” Kyle says quietly as he slips out of the apartment.

Kyle is very nearly late when he finally arrives at the bar, but the thought of Jimmy’s eyes (and how much lighter they had looked after the second kiss) makes him not regret it for a moment.

He slips his tie on quickly, having forgotten to do so at the apartment, and moves out into the midday ruckus.

Karen arrives a little later, looking off-put. Thankfully, the throng has mostly dissipated so Kyle moves right to her as she slides onto a stool at the bar.

“You ok?” Kyle asks, hoping he hasn’t traded in his drama with Jimmy for whatever Karen has brewing.

She shrugs. “If someone does something bad to you,” Karen starts slowly, as though she’s unsure how to phrase her own question, “and they regret it. Do you have to forgive them?”

The question rings a little too true for Kyle. Jimmy does something bad about once a week, normally something along the lines of brutally crushing Kyle’s feelings.

Kyle shakes his head. “Not being able to forgive someone doesn’t make you a bad person, some pain just never goes away.”

Karen looks at him head-on and he can see something in her eyes lift, everyone needs to be told they’re not a bad person at least once. “I think I’m going to need something stronger than water if we’re going to have this conversation.”

Kyle nods already reaching under the counter for a glass. He stays silent as he fills the glass, letting her story come out on her own time.

“I used to have this boyfriend, Dev.” She says the name with the combination of anger and pain that Kyle has come to associate with Jimmy. “We were going to get married, for about three hours. And then it turned out he slept with my friend.” Kyle grimaces sympathetically as he hands her the glass. “Well, she was wasn’t my friend then, I think she was at some point.”

Karen traces her finger along the rim of her glass absently before speaking again. “They’re trying to get Bombshell out of the water, so I still have to see her. And it’s hard because I was so close… to _everything_. And then I wasn’t.” Karen looks up from her glass and there’s a child-like need for validation and comfort in her eyes. “I tried to get her fired you know. It doesn’t matter now because there is no Bombshell anymore, but I just wanted her gone. And that same night she poured her heart out to me in an apology.”

Karen’s eyes look faintly misty now, but Kyle is graceful enough not to mention it. “She that she slept with him because she was jealous of me. Which is crazy, because she had all of this first, and I was terrified that if I wasn’t good enough, they’d just give it back to her.” Karen downs the rest of her drink in a large gulp.

Kyle chooses his words carefully, comforting someone is never an easy task. “You’re not the bad guy here. She hurt you and you retaliated. But maybe she isn’t the bad guy here either.” Kyle holds up his hands to forestall a comment. “She shouldn’t have slept with your boyfriend, but it sounds like she was hurt and retaliating also. Sure, she had it first, but you’re the one who ended up with it, that had to sting. Just think about that before you decide whether or not to forgive her.” He squeezes her hand gently before moving away to help another customer.

Karen seems a little lighter when Kyle comes back to talk to her. They don’t broach the earlier subject again. Instead, Karen listens to him, fangirl about the possibility of Derek directing their show, with a rueful smile. The smile turns into a full-on laugh when Kyle mentions how hot Derek is.

“His personality more than outweighs his looks. He can be difficult at best. If he decides to direct your show it definitely won’t be smooth sailing from here.”

Kyle doesn’t allow his smile to falter, “this is still more of a chance than I thought we’d ever get.”

Karen looks a little sad at those words. “You’re talented, both of you. You would’ve gotten this chance with or without me.”

Kyle smiles even brighter at her when something catches his eye. Jimmy slips into the back room, straightening his tie and nursing a _black eye._

He doesn’t bother giving an excuse to Karen, he moves into the backroom quickly. A shiver of dread runs through him as he gets a better look at Jimmy’s eye. There’s only one person who would do that.

"You went to see Adam!” Kyle nearly explodes as the words tumble out of him. He yanks Jimmy in the staff room, ordering him to sit while he grabs a bag ice from the freezer.

Jimmy shrugs in response to Kyle’s outburst. The haunted distant look from earlier even more prominent in his eyes. Kyle bites back his next response until after he retrieves the first aid kit from under the sink.

“Why did you go back there?” Kyle’s voice is pleading as he dabs at Jimmy’s face with an alcohol wipe. Jimmy winces, pulling back, as the wipe runs over a fresh cut.

Jimmy shrugs again, “you needed the scene.”

“Bullshit. I could’ve rewritten it.” Kyle is furious that Jimmy would put himself in danger like this, and his evasiveness is only bringing Kyle’s anger to a boiling point.

Jimmy looks away. “ _I_ needed that scene. I don’t want to forget the words.”

“What…” Kyle feels stupid to ask, but he can’t let himself believe what Jimmy is saying.

Jimmy looks at him, fiery and passionate, with a look that Kyle only ever sees when Jimmy is high. “I don’t want to forget what I said to you.”

And then he’s kissing him. Jimmy’s cut lip makes the kiss taste salty and metallic, but the kiss is so undeniably Jimmy that Kyle can’t even think to stop. And he’s kissing him _sober_ , Kyle is terrified that if he pulls away this will all be a dream.

Then Jimmy pulls away and he’s looking at Kyle so tenderly and vulnerable that Kyle never wants to wake up.

Jimmy winces and Kyle remembers why they were so close in the first place. He backs away quickly, reaching for the wipe, preparing for this to be one more thing they don’t talk about. He brings it up to Jimmy’s lip, gently wiping away the blood. Jimmy's eyes don’t leave his face the whole time he works, making it very hard to concentrate.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Jimmy shakes his head, but the way he winces as he shifts makes Kyle doubt him. Kyle motions for him to take off his jacket, Jimmy sighs but complies. He shrugs it off gently, careful not to touch his side. Kyle runs a gentle hand along Jimmy’s torso trying to find the bruise.

When Kyle’s hand drifts a little to the left, Jimmy’s wince becomes more pronounced. He grabs Kyle’s hands quickly to stall his movements.

“Careful, Ky. Are you trying to kill me?”

Kyle pulls his hand back, still more than a little annoyed. “I wouldn’t have to if you would just tell me where it hurts.”

Jimmy huffs but doesn’t say anything.

“That’s what I thought.” He presses an ice pack against Jimmy’s ribs. “I have to finish my shift before the boss kills me, are you ok here?”

Jimmy immediately drops the ice and moves to stand up, “my shift starts soon. I can’t miss another.”

Kyle wants to argue, but Jimmy is right. He’s missed more than his fair share of shifts, the only reason he still has a job at all is that Kyle picks up every shift Jimmy misses. Whether Jimmy is aware of this or not, Kyle has no idea. It’s just one more thing that they don’t talk about.

“Well you can’t go out there looking like that, you’ll scare away more customers than usual.” Suddenly, Kyle remembers something. He digs around in his bag for a second before pulling out a small jar.

Kyle hands the concealer to Jimmy, who takes it without complaint. They’ve used this trick many times, especially before Jimmy moved out of Adam’s apartment. Most recently, when Jimmy had gotten in a bad brawl a few months before.

Kyle straightens his tie and checks for blood on his shirt before moving back out to the bar.

Karen looks up from her glass as he closes the door to the backroom behind him. She waits until he gets close before leaning over the counter. “What happened?” She asks quietly.

Kyle shrugs her off quickly with a mumbled explanation about restocking. The excuse is flimsy at best and he can’t blame her for raising her eyebrows in concern, but it isn’t his secret to tell.

“Do you want another?” Kyle motions at her empty glass.

She shakes her head, allowing the topic change. “Just a glass of water.”

They chat idly for a few minutes as Kyle waits for other customers to show up.

“Oh yeah, before I forget. Derek wants to meet for dinner tomorrow.”

When Jimmy moves out of the backroom a few minutes later, Karen’s concerned look returns, her eyebrows going even further this time. The concealer covers enough of the bruise that no one will ask questions, but Kyle knows that won’t stop Karen.

Thankfully, she holds her tongue for the remainder of the shift. Around 11, she packs up her bag and moves to leave, but Kyle grabs her hand gently.

“Stay until closing, please. I have something for you.” She nods, taken aback by the confession. Kyle smiles at her sweetly before moving away to attend to the stragglers, hopefully, what he has in store will make her feel better.

Jimmy mostly keeps to himself, filling customers' orders when they ask, but not chatting freely or snarkily like usual. Kyle keeps a concerned eye on him for the entire shift, worried that a misplaced word or gesture will set him off. Thankfully, the time passes without incident and soon enough it’s midnight and the place is empty.

They really should wait till closing, someone could come in any minute, but they could all use a pick me up, and no one usually comes in at this point. Kyle wipes off the counter quickly before dragging Karen over to the piano room.

Kyle can see Karen’s lips quirk into a smile as he plays the first few bars. He carries on with the intro for a minute, trying to remember the melody.

“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred _mints_.” He purposely messes up the last word and it’s worth it when Karen giggles. “How do you measure, measure a year?” He finishes the verse gracefully.

“In daylights, in sunsets.

In midnights, in cups of coffee.” Karen’s face lights up as she sings, her voice bringing her own magic to the words. “In inches, in miles, in laughter,” Kyle nudges her playfully, and another giggle escapes before she can stop it, “in strife.” She nudges him back before finishing the verse. “In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.

How do you measure, a year in the life?”

“How about love?” They had both been so caught up in the spell of the music that neither of them had noticed Jimmy enter, so his voice takes them completely by surprise. “How about love? How about love? Measure in love.”

“Seasons of love.

Seasons of love.” Kyle’s voice melds with Jimmy’s beautifully as they both sing a song that they’ve heard a million times.

“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.” Karen’s voice joins with theirs and the magic swells along with the music. “How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?”

The song is over before they know, and they’re all left panting and giddy. Smiling widely with the adrenaline rush that always comes with performing a song, even if they’re the only ones here to see it.

Karen wraps her arms around Kyle in a sweet hug. “Thank you,” she whispers in his ear before pulling away. Jimmy’s gaze lingers on them as they pull apart and Kyle hopes it’s him that he’s watching and not Karen.

As Karen pulls away completely, Jimmy moves closer to Kyle, wrapping an arm around his waist loosely. He leans into Kyle gently, but then he stops. Jimmy looks away quickly, something almost like pain flitting across his face. Then he moves away completely, and, in an action that takes both of them by surprise, he kisses Karen.

It’s not a small kiss either, Jimmy leans in deeper even as she squeaks in surprise.

Icy dread spikes through Kyle’s veins and he doesn’t stay to see how the scene plays out. Tears splash down his face as the bar door bangs shut behind him.


	6. Revelations (With a side of heartbreak)

Kyle doesn’t make it back to the apartment that night. He shows up on Ana’s doorstep, a tear-soaked mess, and is grateful when she takes him in without complaint.

She wraps him in a warm blanket and leads him to couch without a word.

“Nnh.” He makes a faint noise of protest when she moves to pull away. He feels needy and pathetic, but he just doesn’t want to be alone.

“Shh.” She rocks him gently for a moment before speaking, “I’m just going to go put the kettle on.”

Reluctantly, he let’s her pull away. She’s back again after a minute. She lets him tuck himself against her, wrapping an arm around him protectively. They sit in silence for a while as she just lets him cry, running a hand through his hair comfortingly.

After a few minutes she asks gently, “do you want to watch a movie?”

He nods mutely, peeking his head up a little. He has no idea what movie she’s put on until a very familiar piece of narration fills the apartment.

“Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin.”

He extracts himself from his blanket cocoon a little to get a better glimpse of the screen and lets the magic of _The Princess Bride_ take him away.

Ana leaves at some point during the movie and comes back with two mugs of tea. She presses one into Kyle’s hands with the gentle instruction, “drink.”

Kyle loses himself in the movie after a while, occasionally mumbling along to his favorite lines (“You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.”; “We are men of action, lies do not become us.”).

He’s pulled out of his temporary respite when the door slams open and Karen enters, already halfway through a tirade. “Ana, I did something terrible and now we—” She stops short at the sight of Kyle sprawled across Ana’s lap. “Kyle. You’re here.”

Ana pauses the movie, clearly sensing a change in the mood. Kyle bristles at Karen’s entrance, trying to hide in the blanket. It’s not Karen’s fault that Jimmy chose her, but he still can’t bare to be around her.

“Where else would I be?” Kyle bites back at her, “you really think I wanted to watch you christen my apartment.”

Karen winces, and Ana gaze whips back and forth between them. “I didn’t kiss him back,” she says placatingly, reaching out a hand to Kyle. “I pushed him away, but you were already gone.” She takes a step toward the couch. “Please, Kyle. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” Kyle laughs harshly as he speaks, the self-deprecation coming out in full force. “He just sweeps you up like a hurricane and suddenly you don’t know which way is up.” The blanket slides down his shoulders as he buries his face in his knees.

Ana, who has held her tongue all this time suddenly can’t find a reason to stay silent. “Jimmy kissed you.” Her voice is steady, but even through Kyle’s own haze of pain, he can hear the tremble in her voice. He can’t tell if it’s from anger or sadness and apparently neither can she. “Derek, I get. He’s hot, he’s British, and he’s _not always_ a dick. But Jimmy, Jimmy is trouble. Why is it always the guys who are bad for you? What about _me_?” Ana’s voice cracks on the last word.

“Ana.” Karen’s voice is laced with shock, “what are you—”

But Ana shakes her head and looks away. “I need a minute.”

The next sound is the apartment door falling shut behind her as she leaves. Karen sinks onto the couch next to him, her face unreadable. “I thought…” she murmurs to herself uncertainly.

Kyle shifts in his blanket, moving closer to Karen (This is what he does, this is what he’s good at, fixing other people’s problems).

“You’re really observant, except when it comes to yourself. She’s been into you for who knows how long and you never noticed.” Karen looks at him uncertainly, as though she can’t quite believe what he’s saying. “And she’s had to watch you make romantic decisions that never involve her and this is just one too many.”

Kyle looks away, trying to pretend that what he’s saying doesn’t also apply to him.

“I don’t… she never said anything.”

He shrugs, “it’s not easy to put your heart on the line. I guess the only question is, ‘what do you do now?’”

Karen looks at him helplessly, “I don’t know.”

Kyle drapes part of his blanket over her shoulder’s, “that’s one answer I can’t give you.”

“I know,” she sighs. “I just don’t want to hurt her.”

“I know.” He doesn’t bother telling her that Ana is already hurt, they both know that and it’s not something that she needs shoved in her face.

Ana comes back in a few minutes later and Karen immediately hops to her feet, tugging the blanket off Kyle in the process (he just rolls his eyes and scoops it up).

“I think we need to talk.” Ana says finally.

Kyle moves off the couch, ready to find a new place to spend the night. “I’ll leave you two to it.”

“Don’t be silly.” Ana speaks chidingly, “you can take my bed. I’ll use the couch.”

He starts to protest, not wanting anyone to be out of a bed tonight, but Ana gives him a look reminiscent of strict school teacher and he caves.

Hanging his head childishly, he moves to Ana’s bedroom, the blanket trailing behind him like a bridal train. He curls up on her bed and tries not to think about how horribly wrong their discussion might go.

Kyle sleeps in fits and starts, meaning that he wakes the next morning feeling distinctly unrested. His eyes are puffy from stray tears that fell during the night.

He tucks Ana’s bed in neatly before leaving the room, wondering if he’s overstayed his welcome. He’ll just make a quick cup of coffee and slip out.

This plan is derailed as the smell of pancakes greets him when he enters the living room.

“Hi.” Karen greets warmly from the stove as she flips another pancake. Ana from her perch on the counter, sipping from a coffee cup.

“Hi?” Kyle greets uncertainly.

Ana laughs at the bewildered look on his face and pats the counter next to her. Kyle moves over to her slowly, still not sure what to make of the situation.

“Are you guys—” Kyle gestures between them as he speaks, not quite sure how to phrase the question.

Ana looks at Karen softly. “Something like that. There’s something, but we’re going to take it one step at a time.”

Karen smiled back at Ana so sweetly that Kyle felt like an intruder.

“Sit.” Karen points the spatula at him threateningly before turning back to the pancakes. Ana laughs and joins him at the table, her gaze wandering back to Karen occasionally, clearly pleased not to have to hide her feelings.

“So,” Ana prods gently. “Do you want to stay again tonight?”

Kyle bites his lip, he isn’t keen on talking to Jimmy, but he also doesn’t want to bother Ana and Karen more than he has to. “I’ll figure something out.”

Ana and Karen share a look before Karen says, “you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to, but you’re going to have to talk to Jimmy again. You still have your meeting with Derek tonight.”

He groans, running a hand over his face. Everything had gone to hell and he’d completely forgotten to finish organizing the book, he hadn’t even gotten the pages that Jimmy had taken from Adam.

“I can ask him to reschedule,” Karen offers sympathetically.

“No. No.” Kyle waves her off quickly. “I’ll do it.” He can’t let his whole life fall apart every time Jimmy does something stupid. “I don’t know if Jimmy will show up though.”

Ana looks menacing for a moment, “he will if he knows what’s good for him.”

“That’s great.” Karen pats Ana’s arm awkwardly, “but I’m sure he’ll show up without threat of bodily harm.”

Kyle takes the plate of pancakes that Karen offers, allowing himself to relax for a few minutes as they all fill up on good food.

“Well,” Karen pushes her seat back from the table, “Eileen wants to meet the creative team at her office. So I have to go.” She leans in toward Ana, pausing uncertainly for a moment before pecking her on the cheek. “Bye.” Karen gives Kyle a one-armed hug, grabs her bag and is out the door.

Kyle watches Ana watch the door for a moment before speaking, “I’m glad it’s working out for you.”

“Me too.” Ana leans across the table to squeeze his hand, “do you want to talk about last night?”

Kyle shakes his head, “he kissed me, we sang a song, and then he kissed _her_. There’s not really any other way to interpret that.” He tries to keep the resentment out of his voice as he mentions Karen, he knows it isn’t her fault. “I get it,” Kyle sighs. “Why would he pick me when Karen is right there? Just his pathetic best friend that he kisses when he’s high.”

“Hey, hey.” Ana speaks loudly as Kyle drops his head against the table. “You _are_ amazing and if Jimmy could see past his own problems for a minute he would know that.”

He lets her words rattle around in his head for a moment before responding, “he’s good to me, you know.” Kyle lets himself wander around in memories of warm kisses and sweet nothings in his ear (or occasionally when Jimmy would clean the apartment). “There’s just always something else, _someone else._ ”

“Maybe all he needs is a kiss to turn him into a prince.” Ana sobers immediately when her joke falls flat. “Seriously though Kyle, you’re allowed to pick _you_. You’re allowed to pick something that’s good for you, it’s not healthy to pick him _every time_.”

“If I don’t pick him, who will?” Kyle offers back helplessly. “Everyone else left, it’s just me.”

“You know that’s not healthy. You can’t be his support system every time without one of your own.”

Kyle smiles sarcastically, “it’s worked this long.”

Ana raises an eyebrow, Kyle can’t really blame her, he doesn’t even believe the lie anymore.

“I should make sure that he hasn’t set the apartment on fire while I was gone.” Kyle hates hearing the defeat in his own voice, but that’s just the reality of the situation. He’ll go back and everything will go back to the way it was, and _nothing_ will ever change.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Ana offers gently.

He shakes his head, “I need to do this by myself.”

She nods, not looking completely convinced, but lets him go without complaint. He turns to her as he opens the door, “thank you.”

Kyle opens the door to his own apartment apprehensively. It doesn’t smell like smoke (at least the burn down buildings kind of smoke), which is a good sign.

He moves into the apartment slowly, not keen on finding Jimmy lip locking another blonde.

Instead, he finds Jimmy on the couch, inhaling from a joint lazily.

“I didn’t think you were coming back.” Jimmy’s voice breaks the silence.

“I always come back, Jimmy.”

“You don’t want to.” Jimmy takes another drag as he looks at Kyle accusingly.

Kyle sighs, picking up the clothes that Jimmy has managed to litter over the floor in only a few hours. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“It matters to me.” Kyle stills at Jimmy’s words.

“You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean.” Kyle is not in the mood for Jimmy to tug on his heart, not after last night. Besides, Jimmy has a habit of saying things when he’s that suddenly don’t matter when he’s sober.

“I didn’t want to kiss her.” Jimmy takes another hit and it’s clear from the way it takes him four tries to bring the joint to his lips that he’s barely aware of what he’s doing, much less what he’s saying.

Kyle hums noncommittally in response, it’s no use arguing over something that Jimmy won’t even remember saying. He moves over to the kitchen, Jimmy probably hasn’t eaten yet and he would never force Jimmy to miss a meal.

Jimmy continues speaking as Kyle cracks an egg over the frying pan, “I had to kiss her. If I didn’t kiss her, I’d kiss you and I can’t do that.”

Kyle can’t pretend those words don’t sting. The second egg he was supposed to be cracking smashes against the counters, “shit.” Kyle exclaims under his breath, they can’t afford to waste food.

At the noise, Jimmy looks over hazily, only dimly aware that anything has gone wrong. “You look pretty.” Jimmy’s words are matter of fact, but he says them in such a childish tone that Kyle can’t help but laugh.

“And you’re high.”

Jimmy frowns as he tries to process Kyle’s words, he must be higher than Kyle has ever seen him if thinking is this hard for him.

A sudden, worrisome, thought strikes him. “How long have you been smoking that, Jimmy?”

Jimmy shrugs slowly, as though he has to remember how to do it. “You left.” He murmurs sadly.

Kyle’s heart skips a beat at the barely concealed pain in Jimmy’s voice, but the feeling is almost immediately overtaken by the worry that Jimmy has been smoking _all night_. He turns the stove off quickly, moving over to Jimmy.

His movement is harsher than he intends when Kyle grabs the joint from Jimmy, but Jimmy lets it go without much complaint.

Jimmy lets out a soft whine, almost like a dog that’s been scolded. “That makes me less sad.” He admits pathetically.

Kyle smiles at him sadly, “I’m here, so you don’t need that anymore.”

“Promise?” There’s something desperate in Jimmy’s tone that reminds Kyle just how few people there are that Jimmy actually trusts. Sometime during this conversation Jimmy has laid down on the couch, Kyle pulls a blanket up over him gently.

“I promise.” He kisses the top of Jimmy’s head.

“I’d miss you.” Jimmy’s words have begun to slur, the combination of sleep deprivation and weed taking their tole. “I love you.”

Jimmy falls asleep within minutes, not noticing the way that Kyle has frozen, struggling to comprehend three simple words. It takes Kyle a few minutes to remember how to move, and even then he moves through the apartment in a daze. He’s wanted to hear those words since he was sixteen, but he knows it isn’t true.

Years of knowing Jimmy have taught him that even if you could put stock in things Jimmy says when he’s high, he wont mention them when he’s sober.

Kyle is still half in a daze, when Jimmy wakes hours later.

“Ky?” He seems surprised to see Kyle, which only strengthens Kyle’s belief that Jimmy doesn’t remember anything he said.

“Hi.” Kyle’s words are terser than earlier, Jimmy’s words earlier have brought back the pain of the previous night, and all Kyle can think about is Jimmy kissing Karen. He turns away quickly, ignoring the way that Jimmy’s gaze doesn’t seem to leave him. “You should eat something.”

He pushes the plate of eggs into Jimmy’s hands, they’ve gone cold, but they’re still better than going hungry. Kyle recoils as soon as Jimmy has taken the plate, putting as much distance between them as he can.

Just for something to do he moves back to the counter where he’s laid out the pages of the book. He’s almost certain of the order now, and after an hour of digging through various nooks and crannies he’s sure that he’s found all of the pages.

Kyle glances over at Jimmy for a moment to make sure he’s eating, only to find Jimmy’s eyes already on him.

“What?” Kyle snaps.

“You look hot when you’re stressed.” And Jimmy has the gall to fucking _wink._

Kyle explodes. “But I wasn’t hot enough for you last night, was I?” The words scorch his tongue as they launch out of him, like he’s spewing fire.

At least Jimmy has the sense to look vaguely guilty. “I just don’t swing that way,” he shrugs.

Kyle isn’t sure what pisses him off more, the blatant lie of it all, or that Jimmy thinks he can lie to him so casually. “That’s a lie and you know it. You should tell me the truth if you really want me to come back every time I walk out of that door.”

Jimmy’s resolve shatters and Kyle can see his eyes turn watery. He’s pushed the one button that he swore he would never push. “Bastard. I gave you a decade of chances to walk away, you don’t get to give up on me know, but go ahead prove me wrong. There’s the door.”

Kyle wishes he could erase this moment and take back the words he’d just said, instead he pleads with Jimmy. “I don’t want to, just talk to me. Please. You never tell me anything anymore, all I ever get are random half-truths when you’re high.”

“There are just somethings I can’t tell you!” Now Jimmy is yelling too, the situation is devolving quickly.

“Why not?”

“Because if I tell you, then they’re real, and I don’t want them to be real. They can’t be.” The last three words come out as a choked sob. Kyle can see the psychical effort it’s costing Jimmy not to turn and run after that revelation.

“Ok.” Kyle answers placatingly, raising his hands in surrender. He opens his arms slowly and Jimmy melts into them, the hug helping ground them both. When they pull away they’re both still panting and flushed, but considerably less angry.

“Lets just work on the book.” Kyle says gently, doing his best not to trigger Jimmy’s fight or flight response.

They move over to the counter slowly and Kyle tries not think about how needily Jimmy is clinging him, but every attempt to do so only reminds him of Jimmy’s doped up confession.

Hours later when Karen calls saying that Derek had to reschedule, and Jimmy rages around the apartment for few minutes (calling Derek a dick repeatedly), it almost feels like everything is back to normal.


	7. The Date

Kyle wakes to find the apartment empty. It’s not unusual for Jimmy to just be _gone_ sometimes. But there’s a sinking feeling a dread in the pit of his stomach that Jimmy’s absence has to do with their conversation the previous day.

Jimmy loves to pick physical fights, but he always runs from emotional confrontation. Kyle turns over, intending to get another hour or so of sleep when his phone buzzes.

“Ugh.” He grumbles to himself as he reaches over to grab his phone.

It’s a short simple text from Karen: _Don’t freak out. Jimmy is with me._

He breathes out a quick sigh of relief. Just two days ago those words would have filled him with dread, now however, he trusts Karen.

He has a shift today, and he might as well head over early instead of being in the apartment alone. However, as he collects his things and walks out the door he finds himself pausing and reaching for a piece of paper he’d nearly forgotten about.

The paper with Blake’s number on it is crumpled from being forgotten in a pocket for days, but the ink is still clean and clear.

He stares at it for a few moments before entering it into his phone. The phone rings three times before someone answers.

“Hello?” The voice sounds slightly groggy, as though it’s owner has just been woken up.

“Blake?” He’s actually doing this, Kyle feels a little giddy at the prospect.

“Yeah.”

“It’s Kyle, from the bar.” A sudden fear strikes him, what if Blake doesn’t remember him? Or (an even worse thought strikes him) what if Blake only gave him his number out of pity and didn’t actually expect Kyle to call.

“Kyle! Yeah. I didn’t think you’d call.” A slight heat rises to his cheeks at the obvious way Blake’s voice perks up upon learning who is calling.

“Yeah.” Kyle isn’t quite sure how to respond to that so he lets his voice trail away awkwardly. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get lunch.”

“Oh? Yeah. Yeah!” There’s a faint rustling on Blake’s end of the line. “When?”

“Uh.” Kyle falters, he hadn’t actually expected Blake to say yes. “Today, if you’re free.” Kyle is afraid he’ll lose the nerve to do this if he waits too long.

“Ok.” Blake sounds a little surprised but willing nonetheless. “Say in 45 minutes?”

“Sounds great.”

They agree on a place, and before Kyle knows it the conversation is over. He stands stock-still for a few minutes, still not really sure that this is happening.

He’s got a date. It’s not Jimmy, but it’s still a date. _Don’t think about Jimmy,_ he mentally chides himself, _he made it very clear that that is not going to happen_.

The next thing Kyle does it call Ana.

He doesn’t even let her say ‘hello’ before he exclaims, “I got a date.”

There’s a squeal from the other end of the line and a clattering noise. “That’s amazing.”

Kyle nods absently, before remembering that this is a phone call and Ana can’t see him, “yeah.”

There’s a rustling noise and Ana sounds very far away for a moment as she responds. “You don’t sound too sure.”

“I am, I just,” Kyle runs a hand across his face, searching for the words. “I’ve never really done this before.” He admits lamely.

“Dating?”

“Yeah. I mean, the only ever guy I really thought of that way was Jimmy, and we all know how that turned out.”

“Well fear not, my naïve apprentice.” And he can almost imagine Ana looking at him pompously. “As a recently non-single woman, you could not have come to a better person for advice.”

Kyle splutters in fake outrage, “you would still be single if it weren’t for me.”

“Semantics. The point is that I have more experience with this.”

Kyle resists the urge to point out that that doesn’t mean _anything_ , considering he doesn’t have _any_ experience.

“Round one

 _You’ll_ ask _him_ on a date and then

Round two 

_You’ll_ primp, but won't be late because

Round three's

When _you_ kiss inside his car.” Ana's voice comes over the phone, playful and sultry as she sings a familiar tune.

“Are you seriously singing Hairspray to me?” Kyle can’t decide if he’s outraged or impressed. “You’re supposed to be helping me,” he whines half-heartedly.

She laughs, “I am. The most important thing is not to get nervous and tense up, I am helping you relax.”

And he laughs too because she’s right. He had been freaking out, but now he isn’t so much anymore. “I guess I shouldn’t underestimate the power of Broadway show tunes, huh?”

“Says the one who’s making a musical,” Ana says with about as much snark as her deeply affectionate tone can muster.

“Touché.” He glances around the room as he searches for something else to say. The whole conversation has been light-hearted, but her steadfast and immediate support of him means more than he can say. “Ana…thank you.” His tone is a little watery, but he isn’t used to someone being so _vocal_ and genuine in their support of him.

“You’re welcome.” Her tone is affectionate and not unlike that of a doting mother, “now go knock his socks off. Figuratively, obviously, but if you literally do, use protection.”

Kyle laughs, deep and off-kilter, as an embarrassed flush creeps up his cheeks. “I’m hanging up now.”

He’s certain he hears something along the lines of ‘they grow up so fast’ before he finally fumbles the ‘end call’ button. Kyle rolls his eyes affectionately as he sets his phone on the table. The conversation with Ana has helped tremendously and he’s able to get ready for his date in a calm and very non-freaked out way.

 _More or less_.

He wades through practically everything in his closest, mentally cursing his fiercely practical wardrobe. Eventually, he slips on the clothes that Ana leant him. He’d already washed them and it’s been in the back of his mind to return them, but they can wait another day.

He examines himself in the mirror, he’s never really had a need for anything terribly nice, but maybe he’ll let Ana drag him along on one of her shopping adventures.

Kyle smooths his shirt one last time before moving to the door.

The restaurant Blake had suggested is small, but not cramped. It has a very quaint mom and pop feel to it. It’s not terribly crowded, despite it being near lunchtime and Kyle finds a table easily.

At five past the agreed meeting time he stars to fidget nervously. _What if he’d gotten the place wrong? What if Blake had decided he—_

“Kyle.”

Kyle’s head shoots up at the call, Blake has spotted him from the doorway of the restaurant and is making his way over to the table.

“Sorry, I’m late.” He slings his bag over the back of the chair and drops into his seat.

“It’s fine.” Kyle waves his hands hurriedly, nearly clocking his water glass in the process because Blake looks _very_ nice in a dark v-neck and navy jeans. The scarf thrown casually around his neck adds to his windswept charm. “I just got here.” Kyle murmurs, a flush creeping up his neck as he steadies his cup.

Kyle opens his mouth to tell him how nice he looks, but Blake beats him to it.

“You look really good.”

The blush on Kyle’s cheeks worsens, “thanks.” He mutters, quietly. “So do you.”

Blake smiles at him warmly. _It really is a nice smile._ Almost as soon as the thought crosses his mind someone else’s smile appears in his head. A little darker, a little more playful. _Jimmy_.

“How was your day?” Blake’s innocent conversation starter snaps Kyle out of his own head and back into the present.

“It’s good.” Kyle nods for effect. “Mainly because I haven’t had my shift at the bar yet.”

Blake chuckles in response. “Work. Sometimes it sucks, but you can’t pay rent without it.”

Kyle snorts. “It’s not _too_ bad most of the time. One of my friends keeps crashing my shift, so at least I have someone to talk to.”

“I wish I could say the same, but that would actually be bad in my case.” Blake chuckles to himself at a memory. “Scott, he runs the theatre. Sweet guy most of the time, but if he gets ticked off…” Blake gave Kyle a _look_ for emphasis. “Point is, one day we’re running tech for this great little indie musical. Weirdest name you’ll ever see though, _Water + H2O_. Anyway, we’re halfway through tech, I’ve finally gotten the light just right for Mim’s solo, and some guy starts clapping.” Blake mimes the gestures, getting very engaged within his own story. “You’d that would be great, positive feedback and all that, but no, Scott damn near threw a chair at the guy. Kept going on and on about work confidentiality and how no one was supposed to see a show that was still in tech.”

“Wow. I had no idea theatre was so…” Kyle shakes his head trying to find the right words.

“Crazy. Insane.”

Kyle nods, barely biting back a laugh, “yeah.”

Blake shrugs, a grin dancing on his features as well. “You know what they say about life imitating art.”

“I think it’s the other way around.” Talking with Blake is easy and light, in a way that talking to Jimmy rarely is. His heart clenches at the thought.

“It’s not too bad most times, we haven’t actually had a flying chair just yet.” It’s obvious how much Blake loves his work as a ripple of laughter rolls through him at those words.

“You really love theatre.” There’s a hint of awe in Kyle’s voice as he speaks. Before meeting Karen he wouldn’t have thought that anyone could be this passionate about something, and it’s magic to see.

“Well, there isn’t much else to do when you’re gay in New York.”

A deep laugh explodes out of Kyle before he can stop it, he’d actually made the same joke to Jimmy once, and seeing it thrown back at him just makes it sound all the more ridiculous.

“Seriously, though,” Blake nods his head as he speaks, “there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing.”

Kyle smiles indulgently as Blake continues to ramble on about his job, the passion in his eyes is enticing.

Eventually, the waiter comes to take their order, and Kyle stammers through a blush having been too focused on Blake’s story to even glance at his menu.

Thankfully Blake seems to guess the source of his anxiety and asks for another minute.

“Too many good things to choose from?” Blake asks, eyes twinkling.

“The best thing is right in front of me.” The words slip out of Kyle before he can stop them, an automatic response from years of watching Jimmy recite cheesy pickup lines in the mirror, “uh. I mean…” He stammers, trying to melt into the floor.

Blake’s cheeks are distinctly pink as he responds. “Thanks.”

They both put a lot of energy into picking the perfect item off the menu, which is obviously best done by looking resolutely at your menu and not glancing at the person in front of you.

When the waiter comes back, they give their orders quickly, still not quite looking at each other.

Kyle takes a sip of his water for something to do. “I’m sorry.” He taps a finger against his glass nervously. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Blake responds almost immediately, “no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so awkward about it.” He bites his lip before continuing, “it’s been a while since I’ve done this too.”

“Oh.” It’s like a weight comes off Kyle’s shoulders.

“I just said it to impress you,” he meets Kyle’s eyes a little guiltily. “I saw this cute guy at the bar,” Blake gestures to Kyle for emphasis, “and I really didn’t want to screw it up.”

“That’s really sweet,” Kyle says once his brain has processed the fact that this really hot guy wanted to impress _him_. “But maybe we could just be awkward about this together.” Kyle says tentatively, hoping this doesn’t somehow blow up in his face.

Blake offers him a sweet smile (it’s not as large or energetic as his earlier smile but somehow it’s even more inviting) and nods.


	8. The Director

The rest of the meal passes comfortably, and Kyle has a spring in his step when he finally heads for his shift.

He evens hums one of the early _Hit List_ songs as he ties his tie, it’s been a long time since he felt so _appreciated_. Sweet stolen nights with Jimmy creep into his head and he corrects himself. It’s been a long time since felt so appreciated by someone who wasn’t _high out of their mind_.

The first hour of his shift passes by without anything of consequence happening, but almost as soon as the second hour starts Ana plops down on the barstool right in front of him.

“Do I need to get a restraining order?” Kyle asks as he wipes down another glass.

“Very funny.” Ana sticks her tongue out at him, “I don’t have enough time to stalk your schedule. I’m meeting Karen.”

Kyle immediately becomes less sarcastic and a lot more genuine, “good.”

“Yeah.” Ana downs the shot Kyle has passed her in one. “It’s our first attempt at a date, so I’d hold off on the congratulations.”

Kyle laughs lightly, trying to ease her nerves. “Do you want another one of those?” He gestures to the shot glass in front of her.

“No. No. I don’t even know why I’m this nervous, it not like I don’t talk to her every day.”

Kyle shrugs, “but you’ve never purposely talked to her in a romantic setting. It’s just different.”

Ana gives him a look that says, _not helping_.

“Hey,” he changes tactic. “You’ve talked to her a million times before, and she _picked_ you, right? You gave her the option and she picked you, that has to count for something.”

Kyle tries hard not to think about how much he wishes _someone_ would pick him.

“Thanks.” She passes him her purse, “look after this for a moment will you.”

Ana has only been gone a minute when Karen enters the bar, like Ana she immediately makes a beeline for him. Something in his chest flares warmly with affection for both of them.

“Is Ana here?” Karen looks a little windswept and her ponytail is frizzy and partially undone as though she’s been working out.

“She’s in the bathroom,” Kyle supplies helpfully.

" _Bombshell_ is back on,” Karen explains as she notices Kyle’s questioning gaze. “We had our first rehearsal today and Derek made us run through every number _twice_.”

Kyle winces in sympathy but congratulates her nonetheless.

Karen shrugs, but the passion in her eyes is undeniable. “It’s nice to be working on a project again.”

“Well, a talent like you should never be without a project for long.” Kyle offers supportively.

Karen beams at him. “I guess you’ll have to take _Bombshell_ out of your failed playbills box now.” She says, eyes twinkling.

“Not quite,” Kyle exclaims as a thought strikes him. He reaches under the counter and pulls out the box of playbills that he’d rifled through so many nights before when he first met Karen. “Here.” He presses the playbill into her hands. “Give it back to me when you make it on Broadway.”

Karen looks as though she might burst into tears, as she takes the playbill from him. Thankfully Ana shows up saving them both from an awkward conversation.

“Ready to eat?” She asks Karen, seeming more relaxed than when she talked to Kyle earlier. He hopes she took his words to heart.

“Yeah.” Karen responds, sniffling a little as she stuffs the playbill into her purse.

Kyle watches them head to their table. He feels a bit like a proud parent as he watches Ana pull out the chair for Karen, and Ana giggle at a joke Karen made.

Smiling to himself, he turns back to counter and begins wiping dutifully. He casts an eye their way occasionally as he continues his shift and things seem to be going well.

He settles into a comfortable rhythm and it seems like only minutes pass before he’s wiping down the counter once last time and grabbing his bag from under the counter. He loosens his tie and unbuttons the first couple of buttons on his shirt, gratefully to relax a little.

“Kyle.” He pauses for a moment, unsure if he’s the one being called. “Kyle, wait up.”

He glances back, curiously Ana and Karen are waving at him from halfway down the sidewalk.

“Hi?” He says uncertainly.

Karen gives Ana an awkward peck on the cheek before they part ways and she hurries over to Kyle. “I have to come by with Derek anyway to talk about your musical, so I figured I’d walk with you if you’re headed that way.”

“Uh.” Kyle can’t think of a polite way to decline her offer. “Are you sure? I was going to tidy up a little first.” By tidy up, he means confiscate Jimmy’s joint and try to make sure that the whole apartment doesn’t smell like weed.

“Oh. That’s fine. I can help.” Karen offers with a wide smile, and just like that Kyle can’t refuse her.

“Ok.” Kyle smiles back, hoping it doesn’t look like a grimace.

They walk to the apartment in silence, both enjoying the warm evening. Or at least, Kyle tries to enjoy it, but worries about Jimmy are racing around his head at top speed. He can’t shake the nagging doubt that this will make Karen turn away for good.

Sure, he’s mentioned Jimmy’s drug problem in passing, but it’s very different seeing it up close. He’ll admit to taking a little longer than he needed to open the door because he’s afraid of what he’ll see.

The door swings open easily, even as the hinges squeak and Kyle winces internally, not the best second impression of the apartment. Jimmy is at the piano, joint in one hand, and a handful of half-scribbled sheets in the other, occasionally dropping one to press a few notes on the keyboard.

“Jimmy?” Kyle asks tentatively, trying to assess the situation.

“Ky.” Jimmy exclaims, turning towards them with a doped up grin on his face.

Kyle cringes and half-considers slamming the door in Karen’s face before she can witness the disaster, but would probably make an even _worse_ impression.

With a sigh, Kyle enters the apartment and Karen follows. If she’s shocked by the scene in front of her she doesn’t show it, just politely offers to help him clean up the mess that Jimmy has managed to leave in the last few hours.

Kyle nods gratefully and moves over to Jimmy.

"Ky, look what I wrote.” Jimmy says gleefully, like a small child who’s finally colored in the lines for the first time.

Kyle sighs and pries the joint from Jimmy’s hand gently. “You shouldn’t be smoking this right now.”

Jimmy just shrugs and focuses on the keyboard. “Golden, all the love you gave was golden.”

Kyle feels his cheeks warm as he realizes what song Jimmy is singing (they’d composed it at this keyboard and then Jimmy had kissed him oh so sweetly), but he shakes the thought away. He just stands transfixed, like he is every time Jimmy sings.

After a few more lines Jimmy’s eyes start to droop and Kyle takes this as the perfect opportunity to drag him over to the couch. Jimmy grumbles a little but lets himself be dragged. He continues to lean into Kyle as they move over to the couch, Kyle isn’t about to try to haul Jimmy up the stairs to his loft.

“You’re so nice to me,” Jimmy mumbles sleepily as Kyle finally deposits him on the couch, “like an angel.”

Kyle’s heart skips a beat, the way it does every time Jimmy says something sweet while high even though he knows it’ll all be forgotten by morning. Kyle moves to pull away, intent on grabbing the blanket from where it’s been tossed over the back of a chair, but just as quickly as he’s started to pull away Jimmy pulls him right back and into a sloppy kiss.

“I kissed an angel.” Is the last thing Kyle hears Jimmy murmur before he finally falls asleep.

Kyle can almost feel Karen’s gaze boring into him as he tucks the blanket around, but he keeps his eyes firmly on his task. He has no interest in a lecture from Karen on the do’s and don’t’s of a healthy relationship.

“I’ll get the piano.” Kyle says finally, filling the silence before it grows into something truly awkward. “If you could move those dishes to the sink, I’ll wash them in a minute.”

There’s a pause and then, “ok.” Kyle tries to ignore the silent, ‘but we _will_ talk about this later’ tacked on to the end of that statement.

Truth be told the piano doesn’t need much straightening, but it’s on the opposite side of the room from the kitchen. The further away from Karen he is, the harder it will be for her to rope him into a conversation.

Kyle gently stacks the papers that Jimmy had been scribbling on and sets the pile on the bench neatly. There’s a faint _smoky_ smell coming from the piano and Kyle just hopes it dissipates before Derek arrives.

Eventually, there are no more tasks to pretend to busy himself with so he reluctantly moves over to the kitchen. There aren’t many dishes to wash (Jimmy doesn’t eat as much when Kyle isn’t around) and Kyle finishes them quickly.

As he dries his hand on a towel, he looks at Karen. Trying to find words to ease the silence between them. Kyle isn’t good with silence, the only person he can sit comfortably in silence with is Jimmy, with everyone else it feels like judgment.

“What’s your favorite musical?”

“Huh?” Karen looks startled by the question, clearly not sure what to make of the sudden topic.

“I could play something on the piano.” Kyle offers hastily, trying to keep the words going now that they’ve started. “I’m not as good as Jimmy, but I can string a few melodies together.”

“Oh. Uh. How about one of the _Hit List_ songs? We’ve got to talk to Derek about the musical anyway.”

“…Ok.” He’s never sung those songs with anyone other than Jimmy, but if it’ll keep the quiet away, he’ll do it.

Kyle makes his way to the piano, shaking his arms slightly to ease his nerves. He shouldn’t be this nervous, he’s played for Karen before.

“If you start the party

Don't end up leaving early.”

This song has a more lively tune than some of the others and Kyle is grateful for the choice as his hands move over the keys cautiously. It’s halting at first, but once he gets the rhythm going it becomes a lot steadier.

The song is over before he knows it and they transition to the next one in the catalog, they’ve made it about halfway through the list of songs when Jimmy finally begins to stir.

There’s a groan, followed by a muttered curse as Jimmy sits up slightly on the couch. “Don’t play so loud, Ky.” Another curse. “‘M trying to sleep.”

Kyle rolls his eyes and stands. Moving over to the couch he yanks the blanket off Jimmy, “no.” He holds the blanket fiercely as Jimmy tries to tug it back, eyes still closed. “Derek will be here soon, how do you think it will look if the composer is passed out on the couch.”

“Like his mean roommate wouldn’t let him get any sleep,” Jimmy grumbles but sits up a bit more. He makes a show of stretching, and Kyle is tempted to smother him with a pillow.

“I’ll make you some coffee,” Kyle says moving over to the kitchen, “but if you aren’t up when I come back I’ll dump it on you.” He finishes threateningly. It would be more threatening if Jimmy didn’t know that he wouldn’t actually do it, but Jimmy seems to at least get the point.

“I’m up, I’m up.” He grumbles.

Karen watches the scene with amusement, taking a seat on the piano bench.

Jimmy glances in her direction as she laughs, and he lets out a groan. “What are you doing here?”

“Well hello to you too, Sunshine.” Jimmy makes a face at her words, and his discomfort only seems to amuse her more. Kyle isn’t sure just what happened when they talked earlier today, but something is different.

Jimmy rubs one hand over his face and points at Karen with the other, “don’t talk.” He makes grabbing motions in Kyle’s direction, “coffee.”

Karen stays quiet for a moment as Jimmy sips his coffee.

Eventually, she slides off the bench and hops to her feet. “Derek will be here soon. Are you guys ready?”

Jimmy waves a hand condescendingly, “if he’s _half_ as good as you say he is, he’ll realize how great our musical is.” Kyle isn’t fooled by Jimmy’s fake swagger; this opportunity means more to him than he’ll say.

“I’ve got the whole thing written out; we’ll be ready.”

Karen smiles at him and nods.

A knock on the door startles them all, and Kyle immediately makes a last-minute dash for a dirty glass that he’s just spotted on the coffee table.

Jimmy rolls his eyes and moves to answer the door.

“Mr. Collins.” Derek greets as Jimmy opens the door.

Kyle looks between the two of them, confused. “Wait, you two know each other?”

“Mr. Collins thought that it was a good idea to show up unannounced at the _Bombshell_ workshop this morning.”

“What?” Kyle looks at Jimmy harshly. All this time he’s been stressing about doing this right and making a good impression, and Jimmy might have ruined everything already.

Jimmy just shrugs.

“But I’m here now, Mr. Collins. So, I would appreciate it if you’d refrain from such visits in the future.” Derek smiles as he speaks, but Kyle has the distinct impression that it’s sarcastic.

"If you give our musical a fair chance.”

Derek and Jimmy size each up for a moment before Derek nods.

“Well lead the way then.” Derek prompts, gesturing at Jimmy. Sounding impossibly superior with his British accent, but at least it’s a fair chance.


	9. Moving Forward

“No.” Jimmy exclaims, getting in Derek’s face. They’d made it an entire five minutes before Jimmy and started arguing. “I will not _change_ the name of the musical.”

“Yeah? Well right now it sounds like a musical about a bloody _assassin_.” Derek held the title page in one hand, smacking another against it as he spoke.

“So you’re telling me Broadway audiences are too stupid to understand a _metaphor_.”

Derek scoffs, “if it makes it to Broadway.” He rifles through a couple pages before continuing. “What you’ve got here is a half-baked idea. It _might_ be a good idea, but Broadway is years away.”

Karen and Kyle glance at each other from where they’ve retreated to the kitchen, just leaning against the counter, drinking coffee and watching it all implode.

“I see why you said to be cautious about Derek.” Kyle says quietly to Karen, “I’ve never seen anyone light Jimmy’s fuse that quickly.”

Karen laughs quietly, “they’re both hotheads. It was bound to be a dangerous combination.”

They let it go on for a few more minutes before Karen puts two fingers to her lips and lets out a true New Yorker taxicab whistle.

“Ok, boys.” She steps forward, setting her mug on the counter behind her. “It’s time to play nice.” She turns to Derek and Jimmy in turn, “Jimmy, Derek took time out of his day to see what you have. Derek, you liked their music when I showed it to you, stop being so negative for a minute.”

Both boys hang their heads, not looking a bit ashamed but folding under Karen’s stern glare.

“Now, Kyle you have the book all laid out?” Karen prompts.

“Uh, yeah.” Kyle stumbles over the words. Standing in the kitchen, watching the drama, was easy, but the thought of actually _talking_ to a big shot like Derek Wills makes him feel tongue tied. “It’s—I uh…” Kyle moves away from the bar and immediately trips over his own feet.

“Bloody hell.” Derek reaches out a steadying hand, “here.”

“Thanks.” Kyle knows his cheeks are pink but he can’t help it, and that British accent certainly isn’t doing him any favors.

“Here’s the book.” Jimmy thrusts the papers at Derek, stepping in between the two of them with more force than necessary.

“Basically, there’s this kid right.” Kyle says, shoving Jimmy back gently because he looks like he wants to deck Derek. “His whole life nobody gave him a second look. He’s had failed romance, failed family, basically just a sucky life.”

Jimmy joins in, his love for their story clear in his eyes. “You’ve heard all of that before.” Jimmy says gruffly, clearly still sizing Derek up. “So, we do away with all of that in the first song. That’s where things get interesting.”

Kyle moves to the kitchen to grab some beers as Jimmy continues speaking, pleased that Jimmy seems to be warming to Derek _slightly_.

“There’s this girl, she’s perfect, everything he could ever want.” Kyle tries to pretend that it doesn’t break his heart when Jimmy glances at Karen. He takes small comfort in the fact that Karen doesn’t seem to be pleased with Jimmy’s action. She looks at Jimmy in disdain before her gaze slides to Kyle, immediately transforming into one of pity.

Kyle looks away, he knows she means well, but he can’t stand her pity.

Jimmy continues, either unaware or uncaring of Karen and Kyle’s silent conversation. “They share one night together, and then she’s gone when he wakes up.” He takes the beer that Kyle passes him, “he’s heartbroken, but he has no idea where she’s gone. Until one day, he hears her voice on the radio and she’s singing his song.” Jimmy drifts over to the piano, absently playing a few bars of _I Heard Your Voice In A Dream_.

It’s short and sweet, but Kyle still find himself mesmerized as Jimmy’s hands dance across the keys. He’s always at his most relaxed when he plays and Kyle suddenly wishes they were the only two in the room.

He shakes the thought away quickly, now isn’t the time to pine over Jimmy. He needs to focus on showing Derek their musical. This is their one shot and Kyle can’t blow it just because Jimmy is stupidly pretty.

“And suddenly she’s famous,” Kyle continues as Jimmy gets lost in the music, playing the rest of _I Heard Your Voice In A Dream_. “But she wants more, more music, more fame. So, she comes back and asks for more of his songs. And he’s so in love with her that he just gives them to her, he doesn’t care that she’s using him.”

Kyle tries to pretend that he didn’t base the character of Jesse on himself. Between the pathetic obsession and the willingness to do whatever the person he loves asks, it’s clear as day. He wonders if Jimmy has noticed the parallel, or if he’d care even if he did notice.

“Hmm.” Derek taps a finger against his chin thoughtfully. “It could be worse.”

Kyle glances at Karen, unsure if this is a positive statement, but she nods encouragingly. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” Derek brushes him off with a shrug. “You’ve still got a lot of work to do before you get to Broadway. How do you plan on getting your story out there?”

“Uh.” Kyle glances at Jimmy, they have no plan. “We haven’t exactly finished, we’re still working on the second act.”

Derek sighs, “ok.” He moves over the coffee table, producing a pen from his pocket and trying to find a scrap of paper that isn’t covered in random song lyrics. “Lucky for you second acts are my speciality. The important thing now is to build buzz, get people invested in your story.” Derek scribbles something on the paper and passes it to Kyle. “These are some good places to try out your show and see what works.”

Jimmy snatches the paper out of Kyle’s hand, still glaring at Derek. “I don’t need some strangers to validate my work.”

Derek snorts derisively, “that’s what this business is all about.”

Kyle puts a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder, whether to calm him or force him to step out of Derek’s face Kyle isn’t sure but Jimmy backs off a little, allowing Kyle to take back the piece of paper. “Thank you, we’ll try these.”

Derek nods, “at least one of you has some sense.”

“Beer?” Karen buts in before the situation can escalate further.

“Sure,” Kyle agrees before the boys can start arguing again.

Karen nods, “Jimmy.” She latches a hand firmly around his wrist and tugs him over to the fridge without too much protest. Karen grabs a beer for herself and makes Jimmy carry the other three.

Kyle stifles a laugh as he watches Karen marshal Jimmy and use him as manual labor. She pauses for a second as she closes the fridge, clearly contemplating something before she grabs a bag of chips off the counter as well. Karen stacks the bag on top of the beers in Jimmy’s arms, it teeters precariously for a moment before Jimmy shrugs his shoulders, leaning back slightly, and the bag settles.

“Is that it? Or would you like me to bring the whole kitchen?” Jimmy asks trying to sound annoyed but it comes across as amusement.

Karen taps a finger against her chin in mock thought, “hmm.”

Jimmy forces a scowl across his face, “no.” He moves away from the fridge, before Karen can add anything else to the pile.

Kyle can’t help but smile at the scene. Neither Karen nor Jimmy have realized it yet, but Jimmy is opening up to her in a way he hasn’t done with someone other than Kyle in a long time.

“ _My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard._ ”

Kyle glances around searching for the source of the noise as the pop song bursts through the apartment. Derek quickly fishes his phone out of his back pocket and the noise stops.

Kyle lets out a laugh that he manages to pass off as a cough, but Jimmy and Karen have no such restraint.

Derek glares at the pair as he answers his phone, “what?” His scowl deepens as he listens for a moment, “Eileen, what?”

Kyle moves over to Karen and Jimmy who are still laughing and tries to quietly shush them. Karen at least has the sense to look a little guilty, but Jimmy just rolls his eyes, a smirk dancing on his face.

Kyle looks away quickly, trying to ignore how _hot_ Jimmy looks when he smirks like that (It reminds Kyle of the cat who ate the canary).

Derek steps out of the apartment, still on the phone. The scowl on his face has morphed into something like concern and Kyle vaguely wonders what he could be talking about that’s so concerning.

In Derek’s absence, Kyle can feel a tension in the air that he hadn’t noticed before. Karen apparently senses it too because she glances between Jimmy and Kyle, Jimmy is oblivious as usual.

“I think I left the stove on,” Karen says and bolts.

Kyle is torn between amusement at her absurd excuse and annoyance at being left all alone to deal with Jimmy. He just looks idly at the door for a moment, half heartedly hoping that Derek will wander back in.

“What were you thinking, being an asshole to Derek Wills like that?” Kyle is so unsurprised by Jimmy’s behavior that he isn’t even angry. He’s just tired, tired of dealing with Jimmy and all of his problems.

“Why were you fawning over him the whole time?” Jimmy bites back, rising to a fight much quicker than Kyle.

Kyle scoffs in frustration. “You can make bedroom eyes at Karen, but I can’t be _nice_ to Derek?”

“That wasn’t _nice_ ,” and Kyle is shocked to see Jimmy nearly snarl. “You were so pink anyone could you had the hots for him.”

“So what?! You’ve made it very clear that you don’t care what I do.” As much as Kyle tries to put anger into his words they come out sad and pitiful.

“Of course I care.” Jimmy says, flinching at Kyle’s words. “I just—”

“What?” Jimmy stays silent, and Kyle sighs. “That’s what I thought.” Kyle rubs a hand across his face, this fight isn’t getting them anywhere. “Goodnight, Jimmy.”

“He was too close to you.”

“What?” Kyle turns back around, not quite sure what to make of Jimmy’s words.

“I didn’t want him to be that close to you.”

Kyle can sense that Jimmy is coming dangerously close to an admission they haven’t talked about since the night he kissed Karen. Kyle takes a cautious step forward, not wanting to spook Jimmy (he’s always ready to run when he’s being emotionally vulnerable).

There’s something infinitely enticing in Jimmy’s eyes and Kyle wants to kiss him, but… “You’re still high, aren’t you?” Kyle doesn’t want it to be true, but Jimmy isn’t exactly known for his sober confessions.

Jimmy just shrugs.

“Goodnight, Jimmy.” Kyle had spoken the same words only a minute before, but now they are sweet and soft, instead of resigned to another fight.

Jimmy offers him a half smile and climbs up to his loft.


	10. A New Song And An Unexpected Encounter

Kyle wakes early the next day, wanting to get started on the next act as soon as possible. He spends nearly half an hour staring at a blank page, hoping for inspiration. Finally, in a huff, he stands and moves around the apartment swiftly, enjoying the sense of catharsis that he always gets while cleaning.

Jimmy pads down the steps to the loft a little later, looking sleep tousled, but still _perfect._ He pauses on the bottom step, rubbing a sleepy eye as he finally notices Kyle picking stray bits of trash off of the coffee table.

“Hi.” Kyle says carefully, trying to gauge if this were a good morning or a bad morning.

“Hey.” Jimmy responds, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and for a moment Kyle takes a petty sense of pleasure in knowing that he’s made Jimmy uncomfortable.

They size each other up for a moment, both unsure how to proceed. Eventually, Jimmy continues down the stairs, “whatcha working on?” He asks Kyle quizzically.

 _Ok,_ Kyle thinks, _so it’s ‘pretend it never happened’ morning_. Then he mentally kicks himself for thinking the morning would go any differently. Because talking is the one thing they won’t do, they’ve made out before (Kyle was wasted and Jimmy was high so neither was sober enough to realize what a bad idea it was), but talking is beyond them and it leaves Kyle so exhausted some mornings.

But he follows Jimmy’s lead, just like always. “Just the second act. If we’re going to debut the first act, we should start figuring out what the second one will look like.”

“You mean figure out a way to kill everyone off,” Jimmy says, his signature dark smirk lighting up his features.

Kyle throws one of wadded up papers at him. “It doesn’t have to be everyone, just one really traumatizing death.”

Jimmy is laughing outright now, “you’re like a closet psychopath.”

Kyle laughs too, because the idea of him being in the closet, about _anything_ , is just so absurd. He’s been out ever since he kissed a girl for spin the bottle and realized he never wanted to do it ever again. And ever since he first caught feelings for Jimmy, he’s been so painfully obvious that Jimmy’s always known.

Kyle is tempted to throw another paper at Jimmy, but he knows it’ll just make him laugh more. So, he simply sticks his tongue out and continues scribbling furiously on the paper.

Jimmy moves over to where Kyle sits on the couch, hunched over the coffee table. He leans over Kyle, not quite touching him, but close enough that Kyle can feel every hot breath on the back of his neck. “So who’s going to die?”

“Probably Amanda.” He’d made the decision even as he sat there speaking to Jimmy. “You know? She and Ji—Jesse,” Kyle feels a hot flush creep up his neck and tries to ignore how close he’d come to admitting that killing off Amanda was a reflection of his own hope that Jimmy’s own feelings for Karen really were gone. “They’ve come so far, I think it says more about fame if it comes full circle and ultimately leads to her own downfall.”

Jimmy nods thoughtfully and claps Kyle on the back. “That’s why you write the story and I’m just the pretty boy song writer.”

“You know I wouldn’t have been able to write this story without you.” Kyle calls after Jimmy, as the latter moves toward the piano. After all these years, he can sense the bit of genuine self-deprecation behind Jimmy’s easy smile.

Jimmy looks back at him then, something soft and tender in his eyes that Kyle seldom sees, “I know.”

Kyle and Jimmy’s shifts aren’t until later in the day, so they spend the morning amicably. Kyle writing and Jimmy singing quietly, occasionally raiding the fridge for a snack (it’s getting low, Kyle will have to go shopping soon).

The comfortable lull in conversation is broken when Jimmy presses down too hard on one of the keys and stops singing. He sits back with a resigned sigh, staring at the keys in frustration. He bangs a couple more keys before seemingly giving up.

“Writer’s block?” Kyle asks, glancing up from the paper where he’s managed to write a total of _three_ lines.

Jimmy nods with a huff, staring at the keys as though they’ve betrayed him.

“Take a break.” Kyle starts off softly, but when Jimmy quirks a playful eyebrows he starts again, louder this time. “Take a break. Runaway with _me_ for the summer.” On impulse, he reaches out a hand to Jimmy who takes it with a grin and an eye roll. “Let’s go upstate.”

They’re dancing slowly now, swaying slightly to an imaginary beat and Jimmy has that tender look in his eyes again.

“There’s a lake I know.” Kyle sings softly, his eyes trained on Jimmy’s face. “We can go when the night get’s dark…” His voice fades away as he looks at Jimmy again. Their faces are much closer than Kyle realized and he can feel Jimmy’s breath on his cheeks.

_Ring._

Jimmy steps back hastily and Kyle nearly exclaims in frustration. Something had been happening but now he’ll never know.

“Uh—I’ll just—yeah.” Jimmy says, moving towards the ringing phone on the counter. “Hello?” He spoke into the phone, his gaze lingering on Kyle. “What?” Jimmy started, finally focusing on the conversation. “How quick? For who exactly?”

Kyle steps closer, his interest piqued by Jimmy’s odd comments.

“Ok.”

Kyle moves next to Jimmy he hangs up the phone. “What was that about?”

Jimmy turns to Kyle quickly and their noses brush, this time it’s Kyle who retreats, not wanting to scare Jimmy off. “Karen. She wants us to write a song for Veronica Moore.”

“What!” Kyle exclaims giddily. In his collection of Playbills (obviously not the box of failed ones) is one of her most recent musicals. Kyle had fallen in love with her voice the first time he’d heard it. “You’re sure she said Veronica Moore? I knew she was in town—but how? Why?”

“Ky, breathe.” Jimmy places a hand on his shoulder, gently stilling him as he’d been rocking back and forth on his heels. “Apparently she’s doing a show tomorrow night and they’re still picking the songs.”

Now, Kyle is freaking out and giddy for a completely different reason. “But—this is our chance. Having Veronica Moore use one of your songs would be huge.”

“Yeah.” But Jimmy doesn’t sound entirely convinced. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to give one of _our_ songs to a complete stranger.

After he kissed Jimmy, Kyle could blame it on a million things (how pretty Jimmy always looked, the subtle way he’d said the music belonged to both of them, his own giddiness, or even how much more willing Jimmy had seemed to new idea then usual), but the truth was that something had built up while they danced and that moment is snapped.

Kyle pulls away hastily as soon as he’s realized what he’s done. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles repeatedly. Jimmy has kissed Kyle many times in the past, but Kyle still feels like he’s taken advantage of the situation.

Jimmy’s expression is unreadable and Kyle suddenly fears that Jimmy is going to vanish again. “It’s fine.” His tone is flat and quick as he turns away, grabbing his things from where they’ve been strewn across the loft. “C’mon, Karen’s waiting at the theatre.”

The theatre is crowded and bustling when they arrive. Kyle scans the theatre for Karen while Jimmy hangs back. He’s not always good with large social situations and after what happened at the apartment, Kyle isn’t about to force closeness on Jimmy if he doesn’t want it.

Kyle eventually spots Karen, tucked away on one side of the stage, wrapped in conversation with Derek. He moves closer trying to gain her attention, “Karen.” She turns toward him, just as a blonde appears from off stage. He can see Karen go rigid and then deflate as the other woman walks by, Karen speeds up her gait and intercepts him halfway off the stage.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” He goes in for a hug instead of a handshake because he can sense she needs it and feels her sag against him gratefully as they wrap their arms around each other for a moment. “Who’s that?”

Karen closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before responding. “You remember that boyfriend I told you about?” Kyle nods, sensing where this conversation is going. “She’s the one who slept with him.”

“And things are still rocky?” Kyle guesses, trying not to push too hard.

Karen nods. “All of that stuff that I told you about went down, and then _Bombshell_ hasn’t really been _anything_ for a while. This is the first time I’ve seen her since that night we talked about.” Karen glances over at her and then looks away quickly as the other woman looks their way. “God, I was such a bitch the last time I saw her.”

“If you feel bad you could just apologize?” Kyle offers helpfully.

Karen glances that way, debating for a moment. “Not right now.” Jimmy moves over to stand with them and Karen seems to remember why they were here in the first place. “You have your songs?” She questions quickly and they nod. “Great, I’ll just show you where the piano room is and then I’ll get Tom.”

It takes Karen about five minutes to re-enter the room with Tom Levitt (Kyle recognizes him from one of the many Broadway magazines he’d buy to drool over when he’d saved up a little extra from one of his shifts). In that time Jimmy has slid onto the piano bench and is playing random chords, clearly sizing it up (getting a feel for how in tune it is and familiarizing himself with the instrument). Meanwhile, Kyle has pulled the sheet music from his bag and arranged it along the top of the piano in an attempt to look organized.

“This is Tom.” Karen introduces him with a small hand wave. “And these are the guys Derek and I have been working with lately.” She explains to Tom when he questions why they’re there.

Tom nods. “Alright, what do you have?” The words aren’t rude or snippy, like Kyle has come to expect from Derek, simply concise so as to get the most done in the littlest time. Kyle admires someone who can talk like that and still give off a warm and inviting smile.

They move through a few of the _Hit List_ songs that Kyle has chosen based on the Veronica Moore performance he’d heard. Tom checks his watch every now and then. Eventually, Jimmy can’t resist throwing a scathing comment his way. “I’m sorry, do you have somewhere more important to be, cause I thought you needed songs.”

Karen looks torn between exasperation and amusement while Kyle is standing petrified next to the piano, wondering if Jimmy has just blown their shot, but Tom doesn’t even seem phased. He answers in that same warm concise tone, “the concert is in 36 hours. I have no songs and none of these sound like Roni.”

Kyle racks his brain for another song they have that might suit Veronica Moore. “ _Broadway, Here I Come_.” Neither Jimmy nor Tom look convinced at Kyle’s suggestion. “It could be a moment of self-reflection on the drive and determination it’s taken her to get to where she is.”

Tom looks thoughtful for a moment, “let’s hear the chorus.”

Jimmy bristles, and, Kyle who knows they barely avoided a fight with Jimmy’s earlier comment, fully resigns himself to the fact that they will never see the inside of a theatre again. “If you just listen to the chorus you’re not getting the whole song. What’s the point in listening to a song if you’re just going to half-ass it.”

“I would love to sit here and give each song a full listen, but I just don’t have that kind of time.” Perhaps Tom can sense Jimmy’s frustration coming to a boiling point because he adds, “look I think what you have is pretty great, its just not Roni.”

Kyle panics slightly, he can feel their chance slipping through his fingers. “What if we write you a new song?” Kyle knows it’s a gamble on their part, but they’ve done more with less.

Tom sizes him up for a moment, “ok.”

The intercom in the building buzzes and a voice crackles out of the speaker by the door. “Tom Levitt to the stage. Tom Levitt to the stage please.”

Tom moves toward the door quickly, turning back only once to issue an ultimatum. “You have 24 hours.”

There’s a spike in the intercom static as though someone has just wrenched the microphone away from the other person. “Tom. Get to the bloody stage!” Derek yells out of the speaker, causing a feedback whine that makes them all wince.

“COMING.” Tom shouts down the hall, in what Kyle can only assume is the direction of the stage (there were lots of doors and hallways leading to their current room and Kyle isn’t sure he’ll be able to find his way into the main theatre again without help).

Kyle slumps a little against the piano as he breathes a quiet sigh of relief, _they still have a chance._

Kyle and Karen latch onto each other and jump around in a giddy circle for a moment. “You can do this,” she says with a breathless smile once they’ve finally calmed down a little. “I believe in you guys.” She kisses him on the cheek and is out the door in one fluid motion, her short brunette ponytail fluttering behind her.

“Now what, Ky?” Jimmy asks pointedly, “you saw me this morning. I’m stuck.”

“We’ll write it together, it’ll be fine.” Kyle says it confidently, because maybe if he can believe it hard enough it’ll be true.

“Ok.” Jimmy relents. Kyle smiles at him then, a true genuine smile, because he really does _believe_ in Jimmy.

They make it through about five minutes of genuine, uninterrupted brainstorming before it completely falls apart. It starts with Jimmy poking Kyle in the ribs as he writes an idea for a song lyric onto a piece of paper. It continues when Kyle when swats his hand away and inadvertently whacks Jimmy in the face with his pencil.

“Ok, ok.” Jimmy raises his hand in mock surrender, a devilish grin dancing across his face the entire time. He dives in, catching Kyle off guard, hands moving over his torso in a tickling motion that elicits quite a few snorts from Kyle before he devolves into a full on fit of giggles.

“Stop it, you bastard.” Kyle says between giggles as Jimmy continues his actions. “We have to work.” He falls against Jimmy’s side as the movements become too much. His head falls right under Jimmy’s and he’s suddenly struck by an idea. In one quick deft motion he presses a kiss to Jimmy’s mouth.

Jimmy’s hands still immediately, clearly shocked by Kyle’s action. Then one hand slides up Kyle’s back and into his hair, pressing their mouths closer together in a fiercely possessive gesture that makes all rational thought flee Kyle’s head. Kyle shifts on the bench, pressing their bodies even closer together.

It’s only when Kyle’s hands reach up to cup Jimmy’s face, turning the kiss from a fiery one to a tender one that Jimmy pulls back as though burned. “Ky, we can’t.” Kyle scoots away clumsily, suddenly wishing the bench were longer. Jimmy’s hand comes up, presumably to push Kyle even further away, but he stops himself at the last minute.

Kyle sits there, waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Jimmy to finally say the words they both know, that ‘he doesn’t love him’, _can’t_ love him. But he doesn’t, he just sits there staring at Kyle helplessly and somehow that’s worse.

Kyle turns away from him stiffly, looking back at the paper they’d started to write the song on. “We need to finish the song.” Kyle puts as little emotion as possible into his words and feels a sick sense of satisfaction when Jimmy moves to the far end of the bench. “Here.” He passes the paper to Jimmy, recoiling his hand as soon as Jimmy grabs the paper.

“They say nothing lasts forever.” Jimmy tries the words in different keys, before finally finding one that suits him. “Well, I wish that that were true.” Jimmy continues the words, looking beautiful as ever as he gets lost in the music.

Kyle looks away, not taking a private moment to appreciate Jimmy’s beauty like he usually does. They continue in much the same fashion for a while, Jimmy weaving a beautiful song out of thin air, and Kyle occasionally tossing out a new lyric when Jimmy stumbles.

The process feels like it takes minutes, but it must be a few hours later when Jimmy and Kyle stare a first draft of their song. It’s rough, rougher than some of the _Hit List_ songs were at first, but it’s somewhere to start.

Kyle looks it over, tweaking a word here and there, as Jimmy’s plays the melody on the piano searching by ear for spots that need to be tweaked.

After Kyle has crossed out a word on the sheet three times before finally being satisfied with it, he leans back and stretches. Sitting hunched over the piano scribbling furiously for hours on end has left his back feeling sore and achy.

“I’m gonna get a snack, do you want anything?” Kyle says offering an olive branch, because he knows there’s no way Jimmy will try to make peace first.

“Uh.” Jimmy’s gaze falls down to Kyle’s stomach and for the first time Kyle notices that in his stretching he’d managed to pull the bottom of his shirt up so a bit of stomach is exposed. Kyle hastily adjusts his shirt, cheeks turning red in embarrassment. “Just a coke.”

Kyle nods, moving down the hall. He’s pretty sure he remembers a vending machine this way. After a few fruitless turns, he finally finds the machine, tucked between an elevator and a trash can. He slips a few coins in, picking out a coke for Jimmy and settling on a sprite and some trail mix for himself.

He turns back the way he’d come and runs smack into a familiar black t-shirt. A pair of strong arms steady him as he tries not to loose his grip on the sodas.

“Hi, Blake.” _Shit._ “What are you doing here?” It was like some theatre gods had conspired against him. The same day that he has string of very confusing (can they be called romantic?) interactions with the guys he’s been pining over for a decade, he runs into the only guy to ever show a healthy romantic interest in him.

“Friend of a friend knows Roni. Got me hired to do lights for the show. Haven’t worked at this theatre before so I figured I’d look over the equipment.” He gestures back the way he’d come to an imposing brown door. “What are you doing here?”

“Same as you,” Kyle answers with a half-smile, loving the feeling he gets from talking to Blake. “A friend of mine is singing with Veronica tonight. She heard they were looking for songs, and well, I write songs so.” Kyle finishes lamely.

But Blake just smiles at him, a warm dazzling smile that makes Kyle’s heart beat just a little faster. “That’s amazing.”

“Yeah.” He always downplays his own achievements in his head, but its hard to ignore when Blake smiles like that.

“So, which way are you headed?” Blake asks, conversationally.

“Uh.” Kyle glances back the way he’d come, but all these damn hallways look the same. “That way,” he points left. “I think.”

Blake laughs, its nothing like Jimmy’s laughs which always have a devilish dangerous air to them, Blake’s laugh is warm and open, inviting everyone else to laugh with him. “It can be a bit of labyrinth at first. What room are you looking for?”

As soon as Kyle mentions a piano, Blake nods understandingly. “It is a theatre, so there are probably a million pianos floating around this place, but I think I know which room you’re talking about.”

Kyle stands dumbstruck for a second, still trying to process the entire situation.

“You coming?” Blake asks, turning back around once he realizes Kyle isn’t with him.

“Yeah.” Kyle follows Blake down the hall.


	11. Close Encounters Of The Broadway Kind

“Uh, I’ll see you later.” Kyle says awkwardly as he and Blake part at the door of the piano room. He can feel Jimmy’s gaze burning holes into his back as he lingers in doorway, hand having slid into Blake’s at some point during the walk, and he’s reluctant to let go.

“Yeah.” Blake responds, his hand still resting in Kyle’s.

On impulse, Kyle goes in for a kiss. Blake seems surprised, but pleased, and kisses back enthusiastically. The kiss is just like Blake’s smile, open and inviting, and it’s _perfect_ , except it isn’t.

Kyle pulls away with a smile because Blake is still Blake, and Blake is still sweet. He tries to ignore the guilt in his heart, as his thoughts turn to Jimmy once again.

“I’ll see you later.” Blake says, still in that kind voice. Having no idea what Kyle is thinking.

Kyle watches Blake walk down the hall, trying to discern between the relief that Blake left or sadness because Kyle knows he’s doing this whole thing wrong. Kyle finally looks back towards the piano and meets Jimmy’s steely gaze head on. “What?”

“Who was that?” Jimmy’s tone is clipped, sounding much the same way he did when Kyle confronted him about Derek.

The word ‘boyfriend’ hovers on Kyle’s tongue. Certainly in any other less complicated scenario that word would be easily applied to this situation. But this isn’t easy, and it’s Jimmy asking. “Just a friend.”

“You kiss your friends like that?”

“You would know.” That shuts Jimmy up very quickly. He even looks guilty as he turns back toward the piano. Kyle sets the coke down on the piano bench between them, not sure if it’s a piece offering or a barrier.

Jimmy takes the can quickly, the irony of his choice in drink not lost on either of them. He points to a line on the paper, “this one needs to be shorter. It throws off the rhythm.”

‘ _But I wake up with this anger, this burning in my heart._ ’ Kyle stares at the line, that particular one had been more of a vent than anything else. Kyle is loath to change it, but the line would have to be said rather quickly in order to keep the beat of the song, and that would clash with all the other lyrics which are _slow_ and powerful. Reluctantly, he crosses off the second half of the sentence.

He hands the paper back to Jimmy who sings the revised line. “But I wake up with this anger, and the pain won’t let me be.”

Jimmy always looks most beautiful when he’s singing his own songs. He feels the music so deeply and intimately that each word is painted across his face, and the words themselves are dripping with heartfelt emotion. Jimmy stops playing and Kyle realizes he’s been caught staring.

“The line works.” Kyle says, floundering to sound like he was only listening to the song and not ogling someone who had just made it _very clear_ that he was not interested.

Jimmy nods and moves on to the next line as though he hadn’t noticed anything. Kyle slips off of the bench hastily, it suddenly feels stifling in here. Something about Jimmy’s indifference makes it harder than ever to sit next to him. He has a vague excuse prepared about needing to use the bathroom, but Jimmy doesn’t ask.

Eventually, Kyle finds himself shoving open a door at random. The room is dimly lit, a series of bulbs line the ceiling, but only a few are on. It’s filled nearly to bursting with props of every shape and size, the sight is comforting. Kyle is instantly reminded of the prop room at his high school, he’d spent hours and hours combing through it for props for various productions.

He’d been involved in every show their high school put on since he set foot in the door. He had never taken the spotlight himself, always preferring to fade into the blackness backstage. Jimmy had praised his voice countless times and though it never failed to make him blush, it hadn’t ever been enough to propel him onstage.

He stands in the doorway, the room is musty and smells like a million chemicals from various outgassing items. He wrinkles his nose automatically, it’s not a pleasant scent, but it’s so familiar that he can’t help the smile that flits across his face.

Falling in love with theatre and everything it does had been irrevocably linked to discovering his own sexuality. He’d fallen for Jimmy and signed up for his first theatre show practically in the same breath.

There’s a rustling and the clack of plastic hangers hitting each other on a rack.

“Hello?” Kyle calls awkwardly, hoping he hasn’t stumbled on some lunch break hook-up.

For a moment the room is silent, and then a head pops up from a rack of clothes. “Hi.” In the dim light of the room, Kyle can’t make out much about the woman standing across the room. Her voice sounds sheepish as though she can’t believe she’s been caught doing…what exactly?...in a prop room. “Do you need something?”

“Uh, no. Honestly, I didn’t even know this was here.” His words tumble over one another, spilling out into the silence clumsily. “I was just looking for some place quiet.”

Her head quivers and Kyle guesses that she’s nodding. “They only use it when there’s a show going on. No one needs it for the concert.”

“I’ll just.” Kyle says, already turning back towards the door.

“Wait.” Her tone is slightly timid, but there’s a commanding aspect to it all the same. “There’s plenty of room in here for two people to sulk.”

He can hear a hint of self-deprecating humor in her voice. It’s easy to tell she means it in jest, but he’s heard the word ‘sulk’ used as an insult one too many times from Jimmy, not to bristle a little at her use of the word. “I’m not sulking.” Kyle says, but his voice comes out petty and petulant, like a child.

“Really.” He can practically feel her laser like stare. “You came to a dusty old prop room for the fresh air?”

Kyle shrugs. In all honesty, he can breath better here than he could sitting next to Jimmy.

She starts to talk again. “I just needed a break, you know? I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be. I’m back in the ensemble.” She’s rambling, Kyle’s done it himself many times before. He understands the appeal of just releasing a torrent of emotion that may have been bottled up just a bit too long. “I mean,” she gives a feigned breathy laugh, “it’s great. I love being _part_ of a show again, and Roni is phenomenal, but sometimes I just wonder where I _could_ be right now.” She laughs again, embarrassed this time. “I’m sorry to unpack this all on you. You don’t need to hear about this.”

Kyle feels a sense of kinship to his own tendency to worry and obsess. “No,” and he’s surprised at how firm his voice sounds. “I’m the perfect one to listen. You’ll never see me again.” He remembers telling something similar to a small dark haired boy in the back of an elementary school. He smiles ruefully, remembering how simple things were before words like ‘love’ got involved. Just two boys from Brooklyn, before they were broken by the world (one more than the other).

She clears her throat, and Kyle can tell she’s debating the merits of his words. “I was up for a part. The lead in this great show headed to Broadway, and I got it.” She laughs, but it sounds wet. “But then they wanted a star, and I’ve been in the ensemble for a decade. And so they got a star, but she couldn’t hack it.” A pause. “I thought the part would be mine again, but my…god I don’t know what we were, probably nothing…he gave it to someone else. A nobody from Iowa.” The light flickers a little brighter for a moment and Kyle can just make out a flash of blonde hair. “So, I did something bad, and now she hates me for it. And, god, I know I was wrong. Now, I just wish she’d forgive me.”

Kyle stays quiet. The story had sounded eerily and the flash of blonde hairs confirms his suspicions. This must by Ivy. Still though, he’d offered to help and he knows Karen feels bad about the situation, so there’s no reason for him not to give her good advice. “You should just talk to her.”

Ivy scoffs, and Kyle remembers what Karen had told him about the night of the party when Ivy had tried to do just that.

“I mean really talk to her. Like don’t start off with an apology, I mean obviously if you did something bad you should apologize, but just go up to her and say ‘we need to talk’. And then tell her all this, help her understand, before you try to apologize.”

Ivy laughs, a little brighter this time, almost like a tinkling fairy laugh. “You sound just like Julia. She told me I was apologizing for all of the wrong reasons.”

“Well, when you get the same advice from two people, it’s normally worth a listen.”

“If I thought she’d listen, I might.” Ivy sounds a little sad, “before all of this happened I really thought we might be friends.”

Kyle shrugs even though he’s not sure she can tell in the dark room. “She might be more willing to listen than you think.”

She looks at him and even though the lights are dark, their eyes lock, and somehow he knows she’ll try. “So, what’s your pain?” She asks after a moment.

“My idiot roommate.” Kyle pauses for a moment, weighing just how much he wants to tell her (she had been incredibly candid and he wants to return the favor, but…). “He gets high out of his mind sometimes, and he writes the most beautiful songs you’ve ever seen. He’ll kiss me so hard I don’t know which way is up, then he sobers up and the world comes crashing in and he tells me that he’s straight.”

He hasn’t told the entire story to anyone in such harsh detail, not even Ana or Karen. The words sit on his chest, weighing it down with harsh truth that he still can’t face.

“Is it worth it?” The question is simple, but it hits Kyle like a wrecking ball.

He stands there, thinking. He thinks back to the piano room where Jimmy had purposefully goaded more than one easy laugh out of him. He thinks of Jimmy cleaning the apartment by way of an apology. But mostly he thinks of the tender moments he’s had with him when Jimmy is sober.

“ _Yeah._ ”


	12. The Concert And Its Prelude

Kyle walks out of the prop room feeling distinctly lighter than when he’d first entered. Talking with Ivy calmed him. He’s never really admitted to himself that he thinks loving Jimmy is worth it (even if all he ever does is prove to Jimmy that someone _can_ love him).

Kyle smiles to himself wanly, _I’m so fucked._

Jimmy is locked in conversation with Karen when he enters the piano room once more. Kyle stops and stares for a moment, because there’s something about Karen that just makes Jimmy relax and it’s beautiful.

“You should just—” Karen looks up mid-sentence and finds Kyle’s gaze across the room. “Just tell him.” She finishes and presses a motherly kiss to Jimmy’s forehead before sliding off the piano bench. “Hi, Kyle.” She says cheekily and Jimmy whips around on the bench, looking vaguely guilty for some reason.

Karen gives Kyle a conspiratorial wink as she slips past him out the doorway.

Kyle approaches cautiously because Jimmy has that deer in the headlights look that generally means he’s going to vanish for a few days. “What was that about?” He airs the words lightly, as though he’s not desperately wondering what Jimmy had to tell Karen, that he seemingly can’t tell Kyle.

“Some guy,” Jimmy says with a shrug. “He’s got a crush on her.” It’s clear that he’s not committed to his words, but a twisting in Kyle’s gut says that maybe he should drop it. So he just nods, swallowing Jimmy’s bitter lie.

Kyle can’t resist a teasing remark though, “but Karen is a lesbian?”

Jimmy shrugs. “Who knows.” He rubs the back of his neck when it becomes clear that Kyle isn’t going to give him an out. “She wants me to reject him for her.”

Kyle laughs, because it almost sounds true. That is exactly the kind of thing Karen would ask one of them to do. 

Jimmy looks gratified by Kyle’s laughter. Some of the tension that had crept into his shoulder as they talked talked drains away. Jimmy opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, clearly debating his next words.

“I finished the song.” He holds the scribbled on paper out to Kyle. Kyle glances at it, trying to ignore the hurt that Jimmy _didn’t_ need him to help finish the song. What immediately catches Kyle’s eye is that Jimmy has penned over one of Kyle’s weaker verses with one of his own. Something about the words makes him glance at Jimmy, only to find the latter already looking at him.

_And though your arms are saying yes_

_I feel my heart keep saying no_

_I want to love you_

_But I can’t let go_

Kyle chews his lip for a moment, examining the words. Finally, releases a breath. “Let’s hear it.” He motions toward the piano, placing the sheet music on the stand as he slides onto the bench next to Jimmy.

Jimmy takes an uncertain breath before laying his hands on the keys. “If I hang on to this heartache.” Jimmy starts quietly, his hands fumbling the keys in a very uncharacteristic manner. “Then my soul will not be free.” He presses the wrong key again, his hands visibly shaking.

Kyle reaches out, gently clasping his hands over one of Jimmy’s trembling ones. Jimmy’s hand stills for a moment and he visibly slumps, but then his hand starts trembling even more fiercely and he snatches it away from Kyle. The deer in headlights look from earlier returns and Kyle has a sinking feeling in his stomach before Jimmy bolts.

It doesn’t take Kyle more than a few minutes to find Jimmy, but he spends another ten pacing next to the alleyway exit of the theatre, debating what to say. If he says the wrong thing he won’t see Jimmy again for a few days.

Finally, a memory strikes him. Of a dark haired boy, crying in Kyle’s arms when he’d found his mother in the bathroom with a bottle of pills. He nudges the door open gently.

Jimmy is leaning against a dumpster as he rolls a joint between his fingers. Judging by its smoking end, Jimmy has already taken a few whiffs.

Kyle stumbles over the first few words, he hasn’t sung this song since Jimmy used to cry himself to sleep (and if there are a few sniffles after a particularly bad day at the bar, neither of them mention it). “Mother cannot guide you. Now you’re on your own.”

Jimmy raises the joint to his lips. He doesn’t look at Kyle, but he doesn’t move away either.

“Only me beside you. Still, you’re not alone.” The memory has floated to the surface and Kyle is more sure of the lyrics now.

A tear runs down Jimmy’s cheek, but he doesn’t raise the joint again.

“No one is alone.” Kyle reaches a hand out, gently taking the joint from Jimmy’s limp hand. He looks at Kyle, his eyes watery. Kyle’s other hand comes up to rest on Jimmy’s cheek and he leans into it like a cat.

Jimmy’s eyes never leave Kyle’s even as he continues singing. “Mother isn’t here now.” Another tear slips silently down Jimmy’s face. “Wrong things, right things.” Jimmy’s gaze flickers away from his eyes before sliding down Kyle’s face. “Who knows what she’d say? Who can say what’s true?”

Kyle’s free hand comes up to cup Jimmy’s other cheek, holding him tenderly. Jimmy’s shifts against the dumpster so that he’s facing Kyle, his gaze resting steadily on Kyle’s lips.

Kyle knows what’s going to happen before it happens. As usual, having no strength to deny Jimmy, he lets it happen. Jimmy’s lips are salty from the stray tears still dribbling down his face. His breath smells like weed, and if this hadn’t happened many times before he would blame that for why he wraps his arms fiercely around Jimmy.

His hands drop from Jimmy’s face. One slips around his waste in a possessive gesture, and the other slides up Jimmy’s neck, grasping a handful of his hair. Kyle has no idea how long they stay that way, pawing at each other desperately like they may not get get another chance.

Jimmy pulls away first, but there’s still only the space of a breath between them. His forehead rests against Kyle’s, each breath warming his face. “Thank you.” It’s barely more than the breaths passing between them, but Kyle hears Jimmy’s words perfectly.

He looks at Jimmy then. Face flushed. Eyes bright, but still a little glassy. He’s _beautiful_. Kyle presses another kiss to Jimmy’s lips. The other kiss was a desperate, end of the world type kiss, but this one (Kyle hopes) is the kind you get at the end of a Rodgers and Hammerstein show (slow, sweet, and, just maybe, loving). Kyle feels a hand brush tenderly against his cheek as Jimmy matches his slow kiss.

When they break away this time Jimmy is smiling and the tears have dried on his face.

“Guess you do kiss all your friends like that.” Jimmy says with a toothy grin. Kyle smacks his shoulder, but Jimmy’s grin is infectious.

The moment is light, but Kyle doesn’t miss the line that Jimmy has drawn between them. They’re still _just_ friends, nothing more. Jimmy brushes a few strays hairs out of Kyle’s eyes even as they pull away, and Kyle has to resist the urge to close his eyes at the touch.

Kyle opens and closes his mouth, suddenly nervous to break the comforting spell he’s managed to cast over Jimmy by mentioning the song that started this (Kyle still can’t figure out why).

But Jimmy seems to be able to read his mind anyway. “We should show Derek the song.”

The rest of that night and most of the next day is a blur. They present their song to Derek. He rejects it in favor of going for a traditional line up for Roni’s concert. Jimmy disappears for most the night, surprisingly though he shows up sober on the doorstep of their apartment the next morning so Kyle doesn’t question him too much. Then Tom of all people pushes for Derek to use their song in the concert.

Miraculously, he listens.

Leading to where Kyle is now. Standing by the couch in their apartment, a messy bundle of nerves as he tries to figure out what to where to a concert where _Veronica Moore is singing their song_.

Jimmy glances down from the loft where he’s straightening his own tie. He’d tried to walk out the door in his usual flannel and jeans and Kyle had nearly beat him over the head with his messenger bag.

After some grumbling, and _a lot_ of poking and prodding from Kyle. Jimmy had retreated to the loft and exchanged his flannel for a white button up and a plain black tie that Kyle’s parents had bought him when they both graduated. However, he hadn’t been able to convince Jimmy swap his jeans for dress pants.

(‘They’re my lucky jeans.’ Jimmy had complained at Kyle’s pointed look. Kyle had turned pink, looking away and pointedly ignoring the fact that Jimmy had been wearing those exact jeans on the night they’d first kissed. The Kansas patch on the back pocket was unmistakable.)

“You look good, Ky.” Jimmy calls down as Kyle changes his shirt for the fifth time. Jimmy winks and Kyle’s brain momentarily short circuits, he just stops halfway through pulling a blue polo over his head. Jimmy laughs loudly. The static in Kyle’s brain clears and he pitches the shirt at Jimmy like a baseball. (Shirts as it happens are _not_ very aerodynamic and it ends up catching air like a sail before pillowing down onto the top step of the stairs to the loft. This only makes Jimmy laugh harder.)

It’s only once Kyle is searching for a heavier object to throw at Jimmy that he realizes the other had managed to completely distract him from worrying. Kyle knows Jimmy will deny it if he asks, but he silently adds this to the list of reasons why Jimmy is worth it.

The cab ride to the theatre is absolutely _dreadful_ for two reasons: the traffic (it seems like all of New York is headed to Roni’s show) and the stress (Jimmy keeps up a string stupid jokes, but the closer they get to the theatre, the more Kyle feels like he might drown).

“Ky.” Jimmy calls his name a few more times before Kyle comes into the moment enough to realize that their cab has stopped a block from the theatre. “C’mon, this is the closest we’ll get in this traffic.”

Kyle trips over his own feet dazedly as they exit the cab and Jimmy catches him deftly, having exited first.

“You ok, man?” He asks, looking at Kyle in concern.

“Yeah.” Kyle shrugs off Jimmy’s worry. “It’s just. This is it.” Kyle grins dopily, because Veronica Moore is singing _their_ song. In front of millions of people.

“It is.” Jimmy agrees, slinging an arm around Kyle’s shoulders as they enter the theatre. The warmth and pressure of Jimmy’s arm along his back grounds Kyle as they move through the massive throng of theatre goers.

They spent a good ten hours in the theatre the day before, but somehow it looks _new_ and exciting now. When Jimmy isn’t looking at Kyle in concern, he can see the same look of wonder cross Jimmy’s face.

Finally, they make it through the crowd to the backstage, where Karen is doing psychical and vocal warm ups with the rest of the ensemble. Kyle also spots Ivy in the group and is tempted to say a greeting, but he isn’t certain she’ll recognize him.

Before he can decide Karen notices them and breaks away from the group to offer a greeting. She wraps her arms around Kyle and Jimmy warmly.

“I knew you could do it.” She squeals excitedly. “They showed us your song a few hours ago, after Tom and Derek agreed on it.” She kisses Kyle on the cheek and ruffles Jimmy’s hair (Kyle beams back at her while Jimmy glares petulantly, his hair is the only thing he ever bothers to style). “It was wonderful.”

“Hopefully Veronica thinks so too.” Kyle says, looking his shoulder quickly as though saying her name might cause her to appear.

Karen waves a hand carelessly, “she’ll love it.”

The overhead lights dim and then return to full brightness.

“That’s my cue.” Karen says, the slightest bit of nervousness slipping into her tone. “Wish me luck.” She asks, trying to sound carefree.

Kyle nods, squeezing her hand comfortingly. “Knock ‘em dead.”

“You’ll be fine.” Jimmy grumbles, still mourning the lost of his hair.

Kyle rolls his eyes at Jimmy as he shoes Karen on stage. Somehow knowing that she was nervous made him feel calmer.

The other songs in the concert fly by. Veronica has an _incredible_ voice and Kyle really does try to appreciate it as she runs through a roster of her mostly standard sets.

However, he only really hears when the opening bars of _I Can’t Let Go_ sound from a piano buried somewhere in the theatre. Jimmy had sounded great singing this, but something about the song just suits Roni’s voice.

Kyle’s eyes feel a little glassy and he wipes his eyes on his tie quickly. Not wanting to miss a moment of her stunning performance.

But it seems just as soon as it starts the song is over. And Veronica is thanking all of the people who contributed to the concert. Then she’s calling _Jimmy’s_ name, and, miraculously, she’s also calling Kyle’s. Kyle pinches himself and then waits the space of a heartbeat, trying to figure out if he’s dreaming, before he follows Jimmy on stage.

The applause of the crowd as deafening as he and Jimmy take a bow. But it’s the slim redhead with a pixie cut in the second row that he focuses on. He smiles at Ana, her presence making the whole scene feel somehow less overwhelming.

Events blur slightly as they run back off stage. Kyle isn’t quite sure how he and Jimmy end up in that same alleyway, grabbing at each other again. But the adrenaline high hasn’t faded, if anything kissing Jimmy like this is making it spike again. He certainly isn’t complaining though.

_Even if they are still just friends._


	13. The Next Step

Kyle is still kiss-drunk when he and Jimmy finally leave the alleyway, both panting hard. He takes a moment to admire Jimmy in the flickering light of the lamp above them. The concert has been over for half an hour, but when Kyle peaks around the corner there is still a throng of people waiting by the stage door to greet Veronica.

The Broadway star is smiling and signing autographs as fast as flyers are thrown at her. She looks how Kyle feels, exhausted but exhilarated. Kyle is almost tempted to duck away from the crowd entirely and find a new way home, but a flash of red hair in the mob makes him pause.

He sidles over to the mob as nonchalantly as possible, taking a moment to straighten his shirt before he left the alleyway. “Ana.” He whisper-shouts, not wanting to draw attention to himself. He isn’t good with large crowds.

She turns quickly and with a squeal nearly bowls him over with a fierce hug. She kisses his cheek tenderly, just as Karen had done, and he feels distinctly mothered.

“Now where is your idiot other half?” Ana asks teasingly. Kyle’s cheeks, already flushed from fierce kissing, grew even warmer. He glances back toward the alleyway to find Jimmy hanging back cautiously. Jimmy was like a chameleon, he could blend in anywhere and fake an easy smile, but he rarely took the spotlight on purpose. The throng of people probably threw him just as much as it did Kyle.

“He’s not good with crowds.” Ana’s eyebrows furrow for a moment at Kyle’s words. Most people find it hard to believe that Jimmy isn’t a social creature.

“Ok.” She loops an arm through his and tugs him back towards Jimmy. Ana eyes Jimmy as they approach, her gaze slipping between them. Kyle glances down, realizing in a moment of panicked shock that Jimmy’s shirt is rumpled beyond belief and Kyle’s tie is resting backward and half tied on his chest. Thankfully, Ana doesn’t comment.

“Not bad for the new kid on the block.” Ana wasps at Jimmy, ruffling his already flattened hair even more.

He bats her away grumpily. “Why does everyone always go for the hair?”

Kyle laughs, reaching his own hand over to tousle Jimmy’s hair. “It’s just so fluffy.” Jimmy looks at him, letting Kyle’s hand glide through his hair for a moment. Ana coughs and Kyle suddenly remembers that they aren’t alone.

“Karen should be coming out soon.” Ana offers helpfully. Mercifully changing the subject despite a small frown on her face as she watches Kyle and Jimmy’s interaction.

Thankfully, Karen emerges from the back door of the theatre only a few minutes later. Meaning that Ana only has a few minutes to stare at Kyle accusingly, no doubt planning a fierce lecture about his interactions with Jimmy.

Ana wraps Karen in a fierce hug and kisses her passionately. They break apart after a moment. Ana still has one hand draped lazily around Karen’s waist, “you were great up there.”

Karen’s cheeks redden under Ana’s praise, and she looks away bashfully. “The songs were really good.”

Ana laughs, “you could make the phone book sound good.”

Karen pulls Ana into another kiss. This time it’s Kyle turn to cough and bring the two back to Earth. Ana sticks out her tongue at Kyle, but Karen smiles sheepishly. “I’m really glad it worked out so well for you two,” Karen says before Kyle can offer his own congratulations.

“We couldn’t have done it without you.” Kyle says, stepping forward for a hug of his own. Karen embraces him warmly, holding out her other hand and beckoning Jimmy forward as well.

“C’mon, Jimmy.” Karen said, looking over Kyle’s shoulder at Jimmy. “You did great too.” There’s silence for a beat and then Kyle feels a pair of warm arms wrap around himself and Karen.

“Just don’t touch the hair,” Jimmy grumbles as he leans in, resting his head between Karen and Kyle. Karen laughs and moves a hand towards his hair in a mock threatening gesture. He leans away, nearly overcompensating and toppling all three of them over.

Kyle laughs as their little huddle stumbles a bit, trying to stay upright. It’s such a high school gesture, that it’s so _funny_ to see Jimmy still doing it at 24 years old.

“What’s so funny?” Jimmy tries to glare, but he’s laughing too. Soon Karen and Ana join in and it’s just a mess of laughter.

“You look so stupid.” Kyle finally gasps out once he stops laughing long enough to form words. Jimmy runs a hand through Kyle’s hair, but frowns when it falls perfectly back into place.

“It ain’t fair.” Jimmy complained, his Brooklyn drawl becoming even more prominent as he pouted. “Your hair’s been exactly the same shape for the last six years.” He tries to mess up Kyle’s hair again with no success. “You don’t know what it’s like for the rest of us who actually have to style their hair. Not all of us can wake up every morning and just look cute.”

Kyle’s cheeks turn pink, but he doubts Jimmy has even registered his own words.

There’s another beat of silence where Kyle thinks he may melt into the pavement if Jimmy doesn’t stop looking at him like that. Then Ana, “I don’t know about you, but I could use a drink.”

Karen smiles in agreement, looping an arm around the redhead's waist. “We’ve got a lot to be thankful for tonight. A drink sounds nice.”

Ana rests her head on Karen’s shoulder for a moment. “Are you guys coming too?”

“Yeah.” Between Veronica’s concert and Jimmy, Kyle’s nerves were completely shot. Some alcohol-induced relaxation might make him feel better.

At Kyle’s insistence, they went to a bar a good fifteen-minute walk from the theatre. He really didn’t want to run into anyone who’d seen their show. Ana and Karen had been wrapped up in each other about as much as two people can be while walking on a New York sidewalk without tripping face first.

As such they just let Kyle lead.

Even Jimmy, who could be quite the stubborn child when he wanted, let Kyle grab him by the hand and lead him to a quiet bar.

As the sign comes into view, Ana mentally unwraps herself from Karen long enough to glance at the sign and lets out a hearty laugh. She glances at Kyle with a smile still stuck on her face, “really?”

Kyle shrugs.

Ana rolls her eyes. She whispers something in Karen’s ear and the two of them break into hysterical giggles. Karen looks over at him, faintly disapproving but mostly amused. “You brought us to a gay bar.”

Jimmy’s head snaps up from where he’d been lazily taking in their surroundings to the sign above them that subtly proclaims _Third Base_. Immediately he pulls his hand from Kyle’s moving back along the sidewalk scuffing his shoes as he walks.

“Jimmy, you ok?” Kyle asks, because Jimmy looks like a caged wild animal. 

“Huh?” Jimmy responds, visibly dazed. “Yeah. It’s just a little loud, maybe we should go somewhere else?”

Kyle trades a glance with Ana and Karen. There’s a faint sound of music coming from inside the bar, but nothing even remotely overwhelming. He moves closer to Jimmy, cautiously, the same way one might approach a wounded animal in the woods.

“What’s wrong, Jimmy?” Kyle knows that the words are useless even as they leave his mouth, because Jimmy has a crazed wild look in his eyes that nearly always leads to a vanishing act.

“Nothing!” He snaps with such ferocity that Kyle takes a half-step back. “Are you just going to go in there and bend over for the first guy—”

_Smack._

Jimmy reels back, drunkenly, a million emotions flitting across his face.

“YOU DON’T GET TO TALK TO YOUR FRIEND LIKE THAT.”

Kyle stands numbly as Karen yells at Jimmy. He knows that he should feel angry, it’s the only logical course of action after all, but he can’t feel anything. Mutely, he reaches out a hand and tugs on her sleeve, stopping her mid tirade. “He’s been there for you all this time and you—”

“Is that really what you think?” Kyle’s voice comes out flat and detached, he can’t even make his words sad. There’s just _no feeling_ in them.

Jimmy freezes immediately. “I—” He swallows hard, “I have to go.” He turns tail and sprints down the sidewalk before anyone can stop him.

Kyle stands there like a statue, even as Ana wraps a comforting arm around his shoulders. She reaches a hand up and gently brushes a tear from his cheek.

He hadn’t even realized that he was crying…


End file.
